His blood is enough

Ever have a day when you just don't care?... and you don't know how to want to.

It was not an especially bad day.  No different than any other day anyway.  But my heart was sharp.  Cold.  Uncaring and impatient.  And I didn't know how to want to change it.  

I stood at the sink after yelling (again) at my boy.  I'd just called him back over and confessed my sin to him and asked his forgiveness.  He'd gone off to finish cleaning up the toys and I just stood there looking out that little window above my sink.  I so wanted to be repentant.  I prayed... a shallow unfeeling prayer of help.  Help me to care.  Help me to want to please you.  

The whole day was colored by this heart of mine.  And I knew it.  I haven't felt that way since that dark month or so this summer.

Still, even after kids were in bed for the night... I alone for the evening, I struggled to want to be different.  Even thought I wanted to want to.  

Can anyone relate?  

Has it been that long since I've sat at His feet?  I mean, really, sat at His feet.

Then the words began filling to fill the air... my ears... and finally my heart.  I stood still.  Listening.  The music traveled from the next room:

"Son of Man, you shed your blood.
I could know no greater love.
As your life ebbed away,
though my sins were red as scarlet,
Your blood had washed them white as snow."  Eden's Bridge, Son of Man

Suddenly it was all clear... so so so clear.

His blood fell for me.  Unworthy.  Sinner.  (So clearly displayed every day!)

How can I not want to show His love to my babies?  How can I not cringe at my own impatience.  Uncaring reactions.  Sinful attitude.

His blood is enough.  Even on the hardest days.  It's enough to try harder.  To give in.  To surrender.  

My heart fell into repentance.  My spirit softened.  My flesh, once again, restrained.  Tomorrow will be a new day.  

Jesus, Your blood is enough!  Help me remember... Your blood is enough!