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Chasing Babies... Growing in Grace: Submission

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


I've been learning what submission should look like in my life and find myself sorely lacking. Having grown up without much example of what this should look like, I married knowing that I should and wanted to be a submissive wife... and I set out to be so. I imagine I did better at it in the first year we were married, but still, I don't think I was doing all I should have to be submissive.

Submission to my husband is more than just giving in because I know I have to... or should. It's deeper than that. Submission to my husband is something I should do in everything thing... big or little. And more than that, it should come without clarification or appeal.

Often, My Beloved will say something or ask something and I am unsure whether he is serious or not (he is a bit of a joker at times). Example: cookies after church. I mention that I want to go over and get one and he says "I don't think you need to do that." Is he just giving me a hard time? OR is he serious? We've been married almost 4 1/2 years, but still I struggle with knowing that. So instead of submitting and dropping the subject, I clarify... "are you serious? do you really not want me to?" To which he says, "I suppose you can." And I say, "Are you sure? I don't have to if you really don't want me too." And on and on it goes until I either go get myself a cookie or feel let down not to get one.

Oh how I've missed the point! Regardless of whether or not he should be more clear (something we have discussed and he's working on it too), I've missed an opportunity to bring him honor.

Don't miss that... I've missed a chance to honor my husband. Sure... it may not matter. Sure, he may have been kidding. But as he said last night (while we were talking about this very subject), how much more am I honoring him if I joyfully submit whether he really meant it or not.

Today I will be looking for ways to joyfully submit to him completely... in big and little things. I welcome any suggestions, reminders and encouragement from those of you who have been down this road ahead of me!

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At May 1, 2009 at 8:51 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Submission out of a right heart (i.e. a desire to submit rather than submitting because you feel like you are supposed to) has true worth to it. I like the "joyful" part that you mentioned. That indicates you are trying to submit out of a "right heart".

I hope that equal time was spent discussing the other equally important 1/2 of the equation (my guess is that it was). i.e. "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it". With just as much effort as you are making to joyfully submit, your husband should be also making his best effort to be joyfully looking for every possible way he can find to truly love his wife. Not because he is obligated to do so, but out of a "right heart".

It isn't about him focusing on if he thinks he is being honored (through your submission), nor is it about you focusing on thinking are you are being loved (as demonstrated by his actions.) It is about a sincere heartfelt desire on the part of each spouse to follow our Lord's commands in Ephesians 5. When we each follow them out of a "right heart", it pleases our Lord and as a secondary benefit, each spouse is blessed - the husband feels the respect his brain is wired to need and the wife feels the love her brain is wired to need.

I appreciate your "right heart" that comes through in your post. Well done. :-)


At May 6, 2009 at 10:40 PM , Blogger Ryan and Sandra said...

I loved your post. I have struggled with some of the same things, particularly when I'm not sure if my husband is actually telling me to do/not do something and I really want to do the opposite of what I think he wants. (We've been married 5 1/2 years now.)

For me, the book Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl is priceless. You can usually find it on Amazon, and definitely through the website she & her husband have on child-rearing. I don't agree with every word of the book, but she wrote it as a way of obeying Titus 2 and teaching the younger women, and it's amazing. I received my copy as a gift within the first year of my marriage not long after I had lamented to my husband about the lack of examples of how to submit properly. The forward made me cry, since Mrs. Pearl explained that she wanted to be an example for women who lack examples in their lives. It was as if she'd written just to me.

Also, whenever I've read even a page or two, my husband can tell. He asks "Have you been reading that helpmeet book again?" Because she so inspires me to joyfully submit.

Way to go in your quest to obey God by honoring your husband!


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