Lies, Failure and the Truth

Have you ever noticed that failure is a relative concept? 

Let me rephrase that...

Have you ever noticed that what makes each of us feel like a failure is a relative concept? 

Did you see the difference?

I mentioned that a lot of things make me feel like a failure.

Most recently?  Buying cereal.

Huh?

Why does buying cereal make me feel like a failure?

Because I'm supposed to make it myself.  Making granola has been on my to do list for weeks (not counting our time away) and tonight at the store, when my husband turned down the cereal aisle, I inwardly hung my head again in failure.


"He is buying cereal again because I've failed... again."

"He's buying cereal because he doesn't think I'm capable of making granola.  And he's right!"

"I can't do anything right."

"I'm a terrible wife and mother."

"I've failed."

Yes, I really do go through all these thoughts.  And you know what?  They are all lies from the enemy.  Yet with each thought I inwardly hang my head lower and lower. 

But tonight, standing in the cereal aisle, Truth whispered its way into my heart.

Who are you failing? 

Who issued the decree that I should make all our family's cereal?  I did.  Yes, making all our own foods from scratch using healthy, natural ingredients is a goal.  It is healthier.  It is more economical.  But does that always make it better in general?  Does it make it holy?  NO!

What God cares about is my heart.  Your heart!

He knows that I didn't sleep much this week.  That I'm taking care of an extra little boy during the days.  That I struggle with organization.  That I'm trying to be more consistent with my children and less lazy in general.  He cares more that I stop and worship Him in a day than whether I remember to roll my oats.  It's true.  I did fail to make the granola.  And it's true that I probably could have if....

But I didn't.  And I can choose to listen to the enemy as he spits out lies to the tune of my failure, or I can ask God to forgive the laziness that may have been at the root and look to Him to show me His priorities.

Maybe I should have gotten to the granola this week.

Or maybe His plans for my week were not to spend my time making granola.  Maybe His plans for our shopping trip included My Beloved turning down the cereal aisle. 

Maybe, just maybe, He doesn't see me as a failure, but instead His work in progress.  His clay being molded.


Participating here:

Labels: Life Lessons for Mommy

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 6:00 AM 4 Comments

Sugar addiction? Really?

Recently homemade banana cream pie... at My Beloved's request.

Have I mentioned before that My Beloved doesn't like sugar?

Oh, he loves all sorts of things made with sugar, especially all things pie... he just doesn't like sugar.  Thinks it's bad for us.  I, on the other hand, think it should be part of every food group.  Not it's own... part of each one.

You understand.

He is coming from a family history of diabetes and... research.  Turns out, sugar really is bad for us.

I am coming from a family of left over cake for breakfast and no one judging when you eat your 10th s'more. 

Some of you understand.

Nearly six years ago when we began changing our diet to a more natural, more healthful one, we had to address sugar.  We stopped buying regular old "store sugar" (as they call it in the Little House books) and started buying the less processed more expensive sugar.  For a while it was only the very brown, strange tasting Rapadura sugar for us.  Then the slightly-more-processed-but-still-better-than- "store-sugar" entered our house in the form of evaporated cane juice crystals.  Way better.  Problem is, I really didn't change the amount of sugar we used... I just used better (more expensive) sugar.  Sure, I also worked raw honey in here and there, but mostly, it was just the "better" sugar.

Turns out, it's still not all that good for you.  At least not in the quantities that make me happy.  And then there's the "occasional" restaurant dessert or chocolates just because that add back in all that bad processed sugar.  It adds up to a lot of sugar pretty quickly.  Not good for us at all.

Not that I cared.

Then the fall after Little Man was born, I detected a case of Mastitis coming on.  Nasty thing, mastitis, if you've never had it.  And once you get it, you need to get rid of it quick and antibiotics are the way to do that.  I didn't want to take the antibiotics, so I hit it hard as soon as I detected those signs.  Lots of fresh garlic and herbal tea and the like.  Then My Beloved reminded me, "You know," he said, "If you're going to all this work to fight the bacteria, you shouldn't be eating sugar.  Sugar only weakens your immune system."

I wanted to fight that infection without antibiotics, but I wasn't sure I wanted to do it sans sugar.   Still, I grumbled a bit and then accepted the fact that he was right.  No sugar for me until this infection was gone.

Ahem.

That very weekend we went to a wedding for a couple in our church.  Sweet, simple, little wedding.  They did such a great job making it simple and beautiful.  I already knew I wouldn't be having cake.  Sigh.  Between the ceremony and reception, we were ushered into the courtyard for a short time while they readied the room.

During that time I had to walk through the reception room for something and I saw dishes of chocolates on each of the tables.  My first impulse was to reach over and grab one on my way by.  And then the deep sadness when I realized I couldn't have any.

As I walked down the hall toward the church office, I was upset.  So. Upset!

Over chocolate.

It was then that I realized, for the first time, that I had a problem.

Sugar had become an idol.

Over the next couple weeks I had little to no sugar.  And it became easier over time.  Then over the Christmas season I lost my resolve and my momentum.  And again I was eating more sugar than My Beloved wanted me to.  And even being sneaky about it.  It was aweful.


A few weeks ago, this post was waiting in my inbox.  I read the title, "Freedom from Sugar Addiction", and promptly decided not to read it.  I knew it was going to hurt and I didn't have the time or attention to give it at that time.  I saved it for later.  Over the course of the next few days, before even reading the post, I began to be convicted about my sugar problem.  Finally I read the post.


Next:  What it meant for me.

Labels: In the Kitchen, Life Lessons for Mommy

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 9:19 AM 2 Comments

Expectations and Failure

What is at the root of failure? 

?

?

?

It seems to me that what makes each of us feel like a failure is different. 

For one, it may be mountains of laundry left undone.  For another it may be picking up fast food for dinner... again.  Yet another may forget to iron her husband's shirts or miss a bill or fail to do crafts with her kids or gain weight instead of lose it.

See what I mean?  What causes each of us to feel like a failure is different.

A lot of different things make me feel like a failure.  Not having dinner ready, again, does it for me often.  Especially since I want so badly to stop eating out!  Stop wasting our money that way.  Make better food choices for my family than restaurant food.

And perhaps it's true... I have failed to do my responsibility.

But does that make me a failure?


I've heard it said that failure can only come as the direct result of expectation.   Of course I expect myself to be able to do it all, I expect perfection... so I fail often. 


What does God expect of me?  God, who knows how all this will end.  If He knows how many times I'll fail before I see victory over an area of my life (and I believe He does), then is it possible that instead of seeing a failure, He sees a work in progress?  Instead of being disappointed, He's there to pick me up and encourage my heart to try again?  To pick you up and encourage your heart to try again?

I want to encourage you ladies.  He is here to pick us up.  To encourage us.  Stop beating yourselves up, look to Him, and press on?




 Next week:  Lies and Failure


Participating here:

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Labels: Life Lessons for Mommy

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 3:33 PM 2 Comments

Every Situation

Have you ever found yourself dreaming of your life a year or two in the future?

Your oldest will be older.  Your youngest will be older.  Hopefully that middle child will be out of these "terrible" days.

It's easy to find yourself daydreaming.  But as I found myself thinking just that today, I stopped.  Paul said that he had learned "the secret of being content in any and every situation."  Doesn't that "any and every situation" include these days of mine too? 

This young children stage is hard.  Lord let me learn to be content in every situation!

Labels: As it happens..., Life Lessons for Mommy, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 11:00 AM 1 Comments

A{nother} Change in our Homeschool Plan

Being a "mouse trap" with felt cheese

In my review of this past school year, I mentioned several places that I would share more later.  Well, here is one time I'm actually going to follow through with one of those promises!

The five of us were all loaded in the car one day in February.  Well, six of us if you include Belle, who was sharing my seat belt... and my body for that matter.  We run our errands together.  The whole family.  And this was one such outing.

"You know," My Beloved started as we turned passed the house that always counts down Christmas, "it's probably almost time for you to get a curriculum for Tornado."

I went hot.  He continued.

Toilet Paper Roll Pilgrims and Indian Craft at Thanksgiving

"You're not going to be able to be consistent enough on your own."  

We'd had conversations about curriculum half a dozen times or more over the last couple years.  But this was the first time he'd said that last part.  The first time he'd had some solid evidence.  The first time I knew he was right.

I wanted to argue.  Like every other time he'd mentioned curriculum.  I don't like curriculum.  We don't need curriculum,  I wanted to say.  I was tempted to dive into my heated explanation about how "homeschooling doesn't have to be just like a classroom."  To explain that I could come up with my own plans.  But I didn't.

I've been realizing that communication is always something that needs to be worked on...even in a happy marriage.  Out of no where it occurred to me that I should make sure I knew what he meant by "curriculum" before I got offended and upset at the notion.  When he said curriculum, I imagined he meant some all inclusive every subject and everything spelled out for me kind of curriculum.  He didn't.  I'm so glad I asked.

Planting flower seedlings

My initial burning was forced out as I started cautiously, measuring my words for calm.  "What do you mean by curriculum?"  There.  That was a normal conversational question.  Not an attack.  Not defensive.  Not as defensive as I was feeling anyway.

And I'm so glad I did.

Turns out, he didn't mean an all inclusive, take away my flexibility and creativity in educating the children kind of curriculum.  He didn't mean structuring our home school day like a classroom.  He meant math.  And handwriting.

That's all.

Math and handwriting.

"Oh," I said, shocked.  Is it possible that this is what he's always meant when mentioning curriculum in the past?  I have no idea.  I try not to think about it too much.  "I can do that."

So there you have it.  My Beloved, the leader of our marriage, head of our home, and official "buck stops here" guy of all things children, thought it was about time to start Tornado on an official math and handwriting program.  Now that wasn't so hard after all.  I didn't completely disagree.  More than that?  It was such a relief to have "permission" to "cop out" of designing the whole program from scratch.  And I can still do what I've been planning for the other stuff.


Next Week:  What came of this decision.



An aside:  There are a lot of great curriculums.  I don't mean this post to be an attack on curriculum, or on those of you who use it.  I know it is a great tool.  I simply mean that I've never wanted to use it and have always pictured myself coming up with my own stuff.  I hope I haven't offended anyone.  If you love pre-made curriculum... go for it!

Labels: As it happens..., Homeschooling 2011-2012, Life Lessons for Mommy, Prince Charming, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 6:00 AM 2 Comments

An Easy Day

Learning to say yes to messes.

I woke to baby stirrings.  Reached over the side of her bassinet and pulled her into my arms.  I nursed her for the first time in almost two weeks.  Fears and worries drained away as she latched on.  Suckled.   I sighed relief.  Silent praise.

Always asking to paint.

The alarm sounded and My Beloved moved from beneath covers to stop the sound.  Grabbed up clean clothes and moved toward the shower.  A door opened down the hall and little feet came walking toward my door and moved inside.  A messy headed boy climbed onto our bed.  We talked while sweet Belle nursed.  After a few minutes other littles were making their noises from the bedroom down the hall.  The toddler struggling with the door knob;  not able to open it himself. 

It was starting again.  A new day.  Yesterday, like so many recent days, was hard.  I determined then that today... today... I wanted it to be easy.

Last week I say yes to Father's Day cards.

Daddy leaves for work on time.  A group of littles wave from the front porch before we all head to the kitchen to scavenge for breakfast.  Almost 4 weeks since our last full shopping trip, we're running a little dry.  We buy farm fresh eggs and raw milk from a local store, so I open the carton and warm the pan.  Strawberries brought with a chicken dinner late last week bring smiles to little faces.  Applesauce fills bowls.  Eggs cook.

Caterpillars from our kit.

Behind me children do their thing.  I don't yell.  Water spills.  I bring a towel.  Little Man howls hunger and impatience.  I calmly correct.

Breakfast dishes gathered to sink, we move to the living room.  Kids ask for Candy Land.  Unhesitatingly, I say yes.  Their faces light up as I choose relationship over the easy way.  But isn't that just it?  Choosing to love on these sweet children by giving my time to them in relationship is a yoke I cannot, would not, choose to do on my own.  But in it, I took on the yoke that is easy, the burden that is light.

Another favorite I usually say no to.

Later we do some handwriting and math, Tornado and I.  Sweet Pea plays at the table.  Little Man "sits" with me and, for nearly 45 minutes, I patiently "guide" him through one tantrum after another, training him to sit nicely in my lap. 

The day passes.  Nursing.  Lunch.  Nap time. Play. Dinner.  Reading together.  Baths. Bed.

Little Man's first play-doh experience

No part of the day is perfect.  Training moments abound.  Correction too.  At day's end I'm tired, but not from a hard day.  I worked hard, but my day was easy... His burden is light!

Labels: As it happens..., Life Lessons for Mommy, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 11:24 PM 0 Comments

Longing for the Easy Life

I'm reading through Managers of Their Chores by Steven and Teri Maxwell.  I'm really enjoying the book so far.  I'm still in the trenches of the why and wherefore, and haven't yet reached the practical how to on training my children to do their chores.  I look forward to that part and have been tempted more than once to skip ahead and get on with it already.  I already agree with everything they say anyway.  Though they have thought through more than I have and it's great reading.

Chapter five is all about Dad's attitudes.  It was a great chapter.  They present the entire household/family as being Dad's responsibility.  Mom's the helper, but ultimately, it all falls on Dad.  What mom wouldn't love that?  Still, many of the things I read in that chapter I knew could and does apply to me and there were several "ouch" moments.

So when I turned the page to chapter six and saw that it was all about Mom's attitude, I knew I was in for it.  I grimaced just seeing it there.

And I was right.

The first page.

"Owning Responsibilities."  Hmmm... I wondered, looking at the section heading.  I wonder what that's going to be about. 

I read on with head turned, eyes squinted, peering out of the corner of my eye.  Afraid.  And well I should have been. 

"A starting place for us as mothers is to own our responsibility in our duties first as mothers and then as homemakers." (p. 41)

This doesn't just apply to teaching our children to do chores.  This can apply to my minute by minute attitude toward my children.

They reference Titus 2:4-5, which lists loving husbands and loving children before being keepers at home.  Then 1 Timothy 5:14, that talks about bearing children and then guiding the house.  Not tearing the house down with anger and yelling.  And finally Ephesians 6:4, which reminds fathers (and dare I say mothers as well) not to provoke your children to wrath, but to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

They continue:

"These verses are a good summary of the major responsibilities God has placed into the life of a Christian wife and mother.

 Have we owned these responsibilities, or do we shirk them?  Sometimes it can be easy to feel like it is too much, too hard, and too overwhelming." (p. 41)

Isn't it so easy to feel like it's too much?  Too hard?  Way too overwhelming?

I don't know about you, but I have not "owned these responsibilities".  But to say that I shirk them hurts.  Can't there be something in between?

I so want there to be something in between.  But there's not.  We're never going to be perfect, but if we are not "owning these responsibilities", we certainly are shirking them!

I have been, not just failing, but shirking these responsibilities in my attitude and behavior toward my sweet children.  I do desire to change, but it does feel like it is "to much, too hard, and too overwhelming."

In the Maxwells' very next sentence, I shifted from worn out and hopeless, discouraged that I have not "owned these responsibilities" to the reminder of hope given in the Scriptures:

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

Incredible!

What did that say?

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden..."  That's me!

"For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." 

I read it over again.

"Easy... Light."


God has given me the task, these responsibilities in raising up my children.  To love them and to train them.  Not to be angry with them and to yell at them all the time.  Leaning on myself always gets me to the same place... shirked responsibility.

Jesus says, though, that his yoke is easy, his burden... light.

He doesn't ask us to do anything He will not enable us to do.  Should I simply come to Him with this area of life and motherhood and frustration, He has promised rest. 

And if I will only be willing to take His yoke upon me, to learn of Him, I will find rest for my soul.

And then, resting in Him, I will find that his yoke... walking with Him in the life He has called me to... is easy.  That His burden... everything so heavy upon my shoulders each day... is light. 


I can "own these responsibilities".  But I cannot do it alone.  I must go to Him, take up His yoke, and find rest for my soul!


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Labels: From God's Word, Life Lessons for Mommy, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 9:01 AM 1 Comments

Saying I love you

Playground fun

I'm not going to hide from you that the last couple weeks have been hard.

Hard emotionally.

Hard physically.

Hard as a mom.

Hard.

Mashing bananas for daddy's birthday cake

Among the difficulties is my sweet Little Man.  Combined with my lack of energy and my being pulled in multiple directions (i.e. pumping and bottle feeding to name a few), Little Man has an overdeveloped willfulness that has come close to pushing me over the edge a time or two (or more!)

Candidly, I've found myself downright angry... even livid!

Winter fun

In the last week I've found a bag of yogurt covered raisins widely dispersed on my living room carpet.  Little man sitting in the middle of the room with loaf of bread in his lap, large chunks gone.  Permanent marker on toys and shirt.  Hands, smeared on my favorite skirt, covered in ink from my printer.  Breast milk dumped all over the ottoman and carpet (on a positive note, I was going to dump it anyway, but not in the living room.)  There are so many more I could list, but I've blocked them out.  And I thought I was watching him... imagine how bad it could be. 

Do any of these things, or the outright disobedience, justify my anger?  No.

Just the same, I have been.  Time and time again!

A favored way to slide

I've found myself yelling, or seething through gritted teeth, "[Little Man]...", and the next words were not going to be pretty.  In my heart I was poring out my feelings toward that Little Man without restraint.  Sinfully.

I praise the Lord I was willing to restrain myself from actually saying them.  No little one (or his siblings) should ever hear such terrible things said to them by their mama.

So what did I do about it???  That, my friends, is the whole point of this post.

Playing ball with grandpa

In the heat of my desire to punish my sweet 22 month old baby with my words, I would begin... "[Little Man]..." but I would shift my words, and my heart, in that last minute with... "I love you!"

Sometimes those words were spoken in a whisper.  Sometimes they were through same gritted teeth.  Sometimes they sounded sweet, but most of the time they were said in the same sinful mean place my heart was.

Little Man just had to have a towel over his shoulder like mommy always does!

Funny thing though.  Not only did saying those simple words make my little boy smile, or even laugh (as mommy was using her "funny" voice... *sheepish grin*), but saying that I love you changes my heart... every time.  It reminds me that I do, indeed, love that little boy!

Please realize, this isn't a permanent solution.  If it were, I wouldn't be repeating the whole process scores of times in a single day.  The true issue is my heart... not his.  He's still a baby!  And, apparently, an untrained one at that.  

Saying these "I love yous" is simply a way out of the moment without injuring my little one.  To be truly affective, each one must come with repentance and a pleading for God's help.  Each situation will require different help.  For some it's a matter of learning patience and developing His heart for your children.  For others is wisdom in coping with your current situation (i.e. so many young children, sickness, etc.)

Know this.  He can and will forgive you if you take your sin to Him in broken repentance.  He can and will help you if you seek His wisdom (James 1:5-8).



Anyone ever been there?  Ready to yell horrible things at your precious children?  Next time, try an I love you.  It works wonders.

But don't forget the rest of it!



Joining in here:

Labels: Life Lessons for Mommy, Mommy's Tool Box, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 11:19 PM 0 Comments

An Annivesary of Sorts

A deer tick burrowing into my son's neck yesterday morning.

It was one year ago today I was diagnosed (praise the Lord) and began treatment for Lyme Disease.

That was a long week.  It all began the Friday before with high fevers and flu like symptoms.  My legs ached, my head spun... and ached.  Oh, it was a headache I'd never had before.  Then my fever hit 104.  And my head ached and spun and my body ached.

Monday came and My Beloved stayed home.  We went in to see the doctor.  Went for lab work.  I wasn't getting any better.  A lady My Beloved works with had been diagnosed with Lyme Disease the week before.  We wondered.

Tuesday morning My Beloved was staying home again.  I'd had another long night of high fevers and sweats.  Then we saw it.  The rash on my shoulder.  A second visit to the doctor to assess my rash and look at my lab results.  The diagnosis... Lyme Disease.

I began antibiotics.  It would be three more days before my fevers were gone completely.  With the knowledge that this would drag on more than just a couple more days, My Beloved called in his mom from Michigan to come take care of us so he could go back to work.

Somewhere in that week I remember laying on the couch...wondering.  I realize that we never know whether we have another day to live or not.  But that evening as I lay there, children playing around me, I truly wondered if I would wake up the next morning.  I was so sick.  I felt it.  I knew there was a chance that when I fell asleep, I wouldn't wake up. 

And I had regrets.

I found my journal, laying nearby.  I flipped to an open page, and I scribbled down my heart...




If I died that night, would my sweet children know their mama loved them or would they remember only yelling and harshness?  I feared the answer.  I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone else what I wondered, but I left this page open, hoping it would be found by someone and tucked away for a day when my children were older.

And I did something else.  I decided that if I did wake up the next morning, and the next... I would not leave my babies' memories to chance.  I would be careful to live that they would never doubt.

And sadly, I've failed so many times since that day.  If I were that sick again, I would be left to worry the same things.  I found this page in my journal a month or so ago and was left convicted... having forgotten about it in the throws of sickness and memory loss.  But now I'm working on it again... most days.

Lord help me do this!

Labels: Life Lessons for Mommy, Lyme Disease

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 6:00 AM 2 Comments

Mother's Day in the Early Years

Crime and punishment... doing a little clean up

Mother's Day with young children is only what you make of it.  Especially for the home school mom!

No one else is helping our children string pasta on a necklace for you to wear, or pressing their hand prints into plaster, or to draw handmade cards.  If we wanted a gift this year for Mother's Day, we had to help make it ourselves.

And did any of you get the day off from child training?  Discipline?  Bad attitudes?  I certainly didn't.

But I think that is a big part of what made my Mother's Day special.  I engaged my children.

If I viewed Mother's Day as being all about me, I would have had a rough day.  Instead, I took each behavior and attitude problem one at a time, set up practice opportunities, and worked with them.  Instead of waiting to be honored, I chose to truly mother them.  And in doing so, I truly enjoyed them.

I wonder what my days would be like if I treated each one the same way???


I hope your Mother's Day was as great as mine was!!

Labels: As it happens..., Life Lessons for Mommy, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 10:01 PM 0 Comments

My Weakness, My Sin

I really can't remember the last time I said no to a piece of chocolate. Or just five more minutes of reading (or ten, or fifteen, or twenty... you know how that goes). I eat what I want when I want, and I do what I want when I want. As a stay-at-home mom, I am my own boss. No one is looking over my shoulder, checking up on me.

I am selfish and self-indulgent. I consider my own desires to be more important than the desires of others, and allow my indulgences to inhibit my service of others. Like indulging myself in wasted time when I should be serving my family by cleaning my home or making dinner.   (The Purposeful Wife)

I didn't write this... but I certainly could have.  Except replace the time reading with sitting at my computer.  And the "piece" of chocolate with "bag".

Ahem.

Self-indulgence is certainly not the only sin I struggle with, but it's a big one... and one I struggle with daily... as in right now.  And not only does it grieve God, it is dishonoring to my husband and unloving to my children.

In the week since I read this post and felt the full conviction of my sin, I've lost 2 pounds.  Crazy, I know.  And I'm not doing anything real special.  I haven't started exercising like I had hoped and I've had a decent sized dessert almost every night.  For the most part I've still eaten what I want, when I want.

The difference?  "What I want, when I want" just isn't the same when I keep Jesus in my sights and repent over-indulgence.  Am I done with this sin?  Certainly not.  I'm not so proud (one of my other sin issues) to think I won't fall in this area again.  But by His grace I'll take it one step at a time.

Hop over to The Purposeful Wife to read the whole article.  You won't be sorry... or maybe you will.  Either way, it's a good thing.

Labels: Life Lessons for Mommy, Passing it On

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 5:00 AM 1 Comments

"Never" been like this before

The last days of my wait for Little Man

Three or four (or more?) weeks ago I began having decent contractions.  The feel real kind.  The kind where I just need to sit down and relax my body to get through it kind.  The "don't touch me" kind... or the "I just need a minute" kind.  The kind where my tall 5 year old bumping into me in the thrift store during it just about sends me over.

Also, about three or four weeks ago, I began saying something to the affect of: "it's never been like this before... not this early... not this regularly."

And I believed it too.  And as far as I can remember... it's still true.

But then today I stumbled on an old blog post.  One that I found very encouraging.  But also one that showed how very poorly we women carrying babies can remember anything.  At. All.

So, now... with only 3ish weeks to go (or 5... whatever), I can know that, yes, indeed, constant contractions for the last couple months of pregnancy are pretty normal.  Just one more joy of pregnancy! :)

Click over to see God's grace in it all!

Labels: As it happens..., Life Lessons for Mommy, Pregnancy

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 1:38 PM 0 Comments

Being on the receiving end for a while

I was so excited to stumble on Our Simple Country Life a few weeks ago... and more excited to learn that she would be doing a series on Intentional Homemaking.  Ahhh...

Let me tell you... with baby number 4 coming, normal busy-ness, and a desire to be intentional myself... I'm going to let Our Simple Country Life feed this Suzy Homemaker meets Proverbs 31 for a while.  I'll probably insert a Suzy meets P31 post of my own here and there as I'm led, but in the mean time, join us over at Our Simple Country Life on Wednesdays for inspiration and challenges in being an Intentional Homemaker!

I'll be there!

Labels: Home Making, Keeping My Home, Life Lessons for Mommy, Suzy meets P31

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 11:39 AM 0 Comments

Some words I need to keep reading!

Some wise words I've been needing to read.  Anger has been the crouching lion at the door and I've been letting him in, moment by moment, daily.  Even leaving it open for him.

These words on gentleness have been mounting on my heart too.


 And I sooo need to put on these things!

Labels: Life Lessons for Mommy, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 3:12 PM 0 Comments

Motherhood is hard!

When we bear it alone, sometimes it all gets to be too much.

Let's back up a little bit first... life is hard!  Relationships are hard!  Marriage is hard work... to have a good one, otherwise it's just hard!  Homemaking is hard work!  Mothering, on top of it all, is hard work!

And let's not forget to add to this the swishy swashy hormones that seem to constantly batter us up one side and down the other.  Regular hormone fluctuation, pregnancy hormones, postpartum hormones.  Then there is the constantly disrupted sleep of life with littles (or bigs).  The dreariness of winter.  And if you have a medical problem of some kind on top of it all.  Forget about it!  It's hard!

Sometimes it's just too hard.  And if you've got unsupportive friends and family (or even husband) around telling you what a bad job you're doing, you may just be ready to give up.  And many have.  Many women give up in self indulgence, in abandonment, in depression, or even in suicide.

But you see, whether you asked to be in the position you're in or not (house you live in, medical condition, number of children, etc), you are in it.  God, in his infinite wisdom, has placed you right where you are.  It's your job.  Your responsibility.  And it's going to be work... hard work!

Am I trying to make you feel worse?  No.  Because there is good news in all this...

God's grace is sufficient!  For His power is made perfect in your weakness! (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

So often we hear people say that God will not give us more than we can handle.  But perhaps that isn't a true statement.  Perhaps what we need to hear and remember is that God won't ever give us more than He can handle!  For those of us who know and trust Him, He has said that He will never leave us or forsake us! (Hebrews 13:5)

Do you know Him today?  Have you trusted Christ for your forgiveness and salvation?  Then you are not alone.  You can do this through His strength!  He promised a Helper.

But first, we need to seek His help.  We need to remember that we cannot, were never intended to, do this on our own. 

Are you struggling sister?  Are you buried in depression?  Hopelessness?  Being beaten down by those around you... by your own thoughts?

Today I am going to give you the first step. 

Seek Him!

Don't fret over the laundry list of failures, the insults, the overwhelming responsibilities.

Seek Him!

Whether you are curled up on the couch ignoring responsibilities (or at the computer as I often find myself), or just going through the motions of wiping one more nose, or hiding in your bed unable to make yourself move... wherever you are, whatever your ability today...

Seek Him!

No one can do this for you.  No one can pull you out of this pit you are in.  Not councilors, not friends, not your husband.  No one can help you until you decide to help yourself.

Where do you start?  Pray.  Start small if you have to.  Talk to Him.  Tell Him your heart, your hurts, your insecurities.

Still don't know?  Begin in worship. 

Prayer isn't coming?  Open your Bible.  Genesis 1 is a great place to remember just Who He Is!  If He can do all that, what can't He do?  Or maybe the Psalms.  David struggled more than once... but he didn't stay in it.  He brought it to God and many Psalms are the result of that time of intimacy with God.

And keep seeking Him.  Every moment you feel the darkness coming on, open your heart to Him.  Pray.  Pray.  And keep praying.  Can't sleep?  Pray.  

Again, no one can make you do this... but you have to start here.  The only alternative is to remain forever where you are.  Seek Him!  You're going to need it before I tell you about step 2!


Other posts in this series:
Part 2 ~ If you do what is right
Part 3 ~ In Which I am Harsh
Part 4 ~ The Next Step

Labels: Depression, Home Making, Life Lessons for Mommy, Mommy's Tool Box

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 3:36 PM 1 Comments

His blood is enough

"Son of Man, you shed your blood.
I could know no greater love.
As your life ebbed away,
though my sins were red as scarlet,
Your blood had washed them white as snow."  Eden's Bridge, Son of Man

Labels: As it happens..., Life Lessons for Mommy, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 7:34 AM 1 Comments

Where I am now and how I got there

Don't miss the background to this story and my little test of faith.  

I'm doing better and better with this "new" realization of baby number four every day.  Whereas initially I was terribly embarrassed about the thought of four children (like it's this huge shame on our family???) and being pregnant "again!", God has been slowly changing my whole mindset.  To the way it was before.

Like I said.  I always wanted a big family.  And the more I read around the web, the more I want as many kids as the Lord will bless us with.  So what happened?  I can only say that Satan saw a weakness and began spinning his lies on unsuspecting me. 

So how did it all change?  What helped me turn my corner?

One Sunday helped me turn my corner.  Sadly, I don't remember what the one man in our Sunday school said that first made me stop and think... but it was awesome.  IF ever I do remember, I'll be sure to tell you, as I had big plans to do before waking one morning the realization that I could no longer remember what it was.  :(

The other big help came that same morning, while, in tears, I shared with another lady in our Sunday school about our pregnancy.  And how I can barely manage the three I already have... how can I do one more?  Especially an infant.

She shared something from John Piper. He was counseling with a man who was overwhelmed and just couldn't do it anymore.  So Piper asked him, "You can't do it anymore, but can you get through the next eight hours?"  "Well, yeah, sure.  I can get through the next eight hours."  "Okay then, let's just get through the next eight hours." 

Wow.  In the middle of my own selfish pity party, I had forgotten the simple lesson of Matthew 6:34 ~ "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Each day certainly does.  And I was looping my exhaustion (from Lyme's Disease and early pregnancy), morning sickness, children's misbehavior, etc. etc... today, with the exhaustion, heavy work load, projected behavior issues, etc. etc.... later.  Of course I can't do all that!  And God doesn't even intend for me to worry about it all.  

Can I get through today?  Sure, it may not go smoothly, but I can get through it.  


So I'll just keep getting through today... one day at a time.  


Once that weight was off my shoulders (and heart), the panic lost it's hold, my vision cleared and my faith could return.  




More to come... Is a big family really all that bad?

Labels: Life Lessons for Mommy, Pregnancy

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 5:19 PM 2 Comments

A test of faith

Don't miss the background story.


June was a rough month for our family... for me.  Lyme's Disease had knocked me off my feet in the early days and had kept me there throughout.   My mother in law was here with us in those early days, then my mom was here.  They played with the kids and kept up with the house while I lay around, for nearly four weeks!.  This was the last thing I'd expected at the end of the month.

I knew right away, but it was a few days before I shared my inklings with My Beloved.  Deep down I was hoping it wasn't really true.  That with a couple more days I wouldn't have to tell him.  But deep down I knew better.  I was pregnant.  

My mom was here still, but we didn't say anything.  To anyone.  Not even each other.  It wasn't real yet if we didn't talk about it.  And maybe... maybe it wasn't real.  Maybe my antibiotics or the Lyme's Disease were causing this false alarm.  Maybe.  But we still knew better.

It was three weeks before we bought and took a test.  It came up from time to time in those days, but only briefly.  We told no one.  Still I kept thinking that until I saw that word, I could be wrong.  And I really didn't want to make that kind of announcement and be wrong.  So we waited.  And then there it was.  Clear as anything.

It was real.  I breathed a deep sigh and went back to bed.  It was real now.  We didn't say anything in church that morning.

Deep within me I struggled.  I did want more children, but not now.  Not yet.  My baby isn't yet one.  I'm still nursing.  I'm having a hard enough time with the three I have now.

Slowly over the next few weeks we told more and more people... close friends, parents, and eventually our pastor, church and email list at large.  Then you.   

But nothing really changed for me in this time... except that my "morning" sickness was getting worse and worse everyday.  I knew I wanted this baby, but at the same time, I struggled with feeling like I didn't want this baby... not right now.  To be honest with you, there were many times and many days in those weeks (month+) that I didn't want the ones I already had.  I watched my sister in law change a diaper while we were in Michigan and I horribly thought of how I didn't want to care for an infant again.  I struggled through discouragement, depression to some extent, and moments of despair.  The tiniest part of me was thrilled to get to have another little one.  The rest of me was (and sometimes still is) terrified.

How could I feel this way?  How could I hope it wasn't true?  How can I be, dare I say it, embarrassed?  Do I not think this should be God's decision?  Do I not believe that He is sovereign and trustworthy?  Do I not believe that children are a blessing of the Lord?

I smiled and accepted the congratulations as we shared our news with each new person, but inside I was cringing.  How would I do this?  I can't even handle the three I have.  How can I insert a newborn, and the schedule and sleep depravity it ensues, into this. 

Several ladies received our news without the thin veil that usually held back my tears.  But then I only felt ashamed at my lack of faith.  Is my God not still God of the universe?  Is He not the one who gives the grace for every moment?  Do I not trust Him with the details of my life?

I was shocked to find that, for all my talk, I didn't.



Still to come... Where I'm at now and how I got there.


(Photos:  In lieu of pics that matched my post, these are a few that make me smile.)

Labels: Life Lessons for Mommy, Pregnancy, Reflections

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 8:49 PM 3 Comments