Lyme Treatment and Baby

Last night I took my last antibiotic.  I'm not sure just yet when it will be out of my system and I'll begin nursing again, but at least I'm not putting them into my system anymore.

As far as the Lyme Disease goes, I am feeling much better.  I wouldn't say I'm at 100%, but I'm getting closer.  Ladies from church are still bringing meals for our family through this week and my mom's scheduled vacation here begins Friday night.  Hopefully by the time she leaves 2 weeks later, I'll be back full force!

Sadly, the sweet ladies who were able to pump for me early on have each had to stop for one reason or another.  I was so grateful that God helped me to see His heart about this issue before that time came.  His grace was and is sufficient for me, and though I believe we should take the best care of our babies possible, I also believe He cares more about our hearts than the nutrition.  He can provide for and protect my little ones as He sees fit.  And should it ever be in His perfect will not to in any way, that is His decision.  And he is good.  All the time!

So, without breast milk, My Beloved made a last minute, late night trip across town to the only store we could find that carried what we deemed an acceptable commercial infant formula and was still open.  After some research, we decided to use Earth's Best Organic Infant Formula.

I still think that, if we needed formula longer term, I would opt for making our own at home, but for this short term use, it's the decision, financially and for expedience sake, we went with.

I was relieved that she took to it easily, just as she had with the bottle in the first place.  Sadly, after the first couple days on formula full time, her little body wasn't having it so easy.  She's struggled with the constipation that sometimes comes with such a fast switch over from breast milk to formula.  :(  She is pooping, but it's difficult and painful.  She cries a lot, which is unusual for our sweet, normally happy baby.  And I can tell the difference in her cry.  It's definitely a pain cry.  As soon as I detect a problem, I whisk her up in my arms and we head to the bathroom where she can at least try to get that stuff out with mommy helping... and in a better position than laying on her back.  It seems to help... I hope so!

Sometime in the next few days we will be making the switch back to nursing.  I'm praying that's as easy a switch as the bottle was!  Pray with me??? 

Labels: Lyme Disease, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 2:55 PM 2 Comments

Treatment and what it means

My head shook slightly when I began to see what My Beloved was thinking, but inside I was ready to burst.   

No.  It's not an option.  No formula.  She's so little.  Why can't we just use the same treatment we used last summer when I was nursing Little Man?  

I stared sadly into his eyes, my head barely moving... but just enough.  Inside the pressure was mounting, daring tears to come.  

---

So I'd been diagnosed and our doctor gave me a prescription for "nursing friendly" antibiotics.  I'm not fond of taking anything while nursing, but I'm learning to pick my battles.  Then I learned that there was serious talk of trying a different approach to treatment... one that meant I wouldn't be able to nurse.  Maybe for a couple months.  Heartbroken I prayed.  And prayed.  And prayed.

First of all, I don't like commercial formulas.  But beyond that, I don't want to give up nursing.  I LOVE nursing my babies!  I know it's best for them and I simply love it.

Still, bad antibiotics loomed.  The best treatments were being researched.  What would hit this Lyme thing in the bud???  Get it while it's still early?

The decision was all but made.  I knew I'd be starting a bad for baby antibiotic in a matter of days, so I started looking at what I could do.  I did some research into homemade baby formula.  My Beloved told me to price it out.  It's not cheap, but over several months it works out cheaper than buying commercial formula... and it's healthier... and doesn't have BPA in it.  We'll see.

I wished and wished I felt okay about asking friends for breast milk.  Something just seemed weird about it, yet I remembered reading about another blogger who had friends bring over breast milk while she was on crazy antibiotics.  That didn't seem weird.  It seemed... wonderful!

Then Thursday morning My Beloved called from work to tell me he had a prescription for the dreaded antibiotic in his hand (our doctor works at his office).  Ten days worth.  My heart sank.  I had begun pumping as much as I could in the last couple days, wishing I had pumped all along and had a nice supply in the freezer for emergencies (hindsight, as they say, is 20/20), but I didn't have more than 8 or so ounces.  No where near the 360 ounces I would need for 12 days of pumping and dumping due to antibiotics.  

Suddenly I didn't feel weird about asking my friends anymore.  I called first to see if they had any stores in their freezers.  We didn't want to ask them to take their time or resources to pump extra just for us.  There was a little in the freezer, but not much.  But both precious friends volunteered to pump for me.  One friend was about to drop a feeding anyway for her 11 month old and volunteered to pump that feeding.  What a blessing.  Another friend (who had her baby the week Belle was born) also volunteered to pump for me, between feedings.

I was (and am) praying the Lord will multiply what they are able to pump for me so that I don't have to use formula.  I know he can do it.  But if He chooses not to, I will praise Him still! 


So far
I began day one yesterday.  I was able to put off my first dose until 10:30 yesterday morning, allowing me to get in two nursings before I had to start pumping.  This helped stretch what was pumped already.

At around 12:30, Belle took her first ever bottle.  Five ounces.  She did great!

Just before 4, I mixed the rest of my milk with milk pumped by a friend.  She took between 4-5 ounces again. 

We were out at 7:30 when she took her first unwarmed bottle, but she did great again.

And her last bottle at 10:30.

Since Thursday night we've had one drop off of milk and two pick ups. 

I'll be feeding the last of what I have on hand to Belle as soon as she wakes up from this nap.  I don't know if I will have pumped milk before her 4 o'clock feeding or not.  If not, we'll give the first of commercial formula (it's all we have for now) at that time.

I'm praying we won't have to do it, but God, in His grace, has reminded me of something this week.  He cares more about my heart in this situation than he does about what Belle eats.  He can and will provide for and protect Belle in this time of need. 

I'm praying for the breast milk, but if we come through this whole thing without ever having to give formula and my heart is not closer to my Lord's, it was all vanity!

Labels: As it happens..., Lyme Disease, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 12:55 PM 2 Comments

Tired

The corner in my kitchen...before.

 
We'd been "burning the candle at both ends", as they say, for most of the week. 

Of course, most mornings are early ones for me... not counting the middle of the night feedings that we usually have as well.  In addition, My Beloved was working hard to finish a couple projects he'd begun already. 

The base of the new bench, holding my wheat, oats and pinto beans.

We'd decided it would be nice to have more seating at the table.  And if that seating could also provide some storage... all the better. 

He'd already started the project, working evenings, when they could, till late with a friend and all his tools in their garage about 15 minutes from here.  Then all of a sudden, it was less than a week until we'd be feeding 11 at that table.  Oh how nice it would be if it were done! 

Such a pretty homemade bench!

So he pushed for it.  Thus driving us up late at night a number of times.  I was still giving a late night feeding myself, so we were up til midnight or later a number of days in a row.  Then, for me, up again before 6. 

The corner of my kitchen now... clearance cabinet, homemade top.  Dehydrator and canner hidden inside!

Then the weekend with friends was so fun!  I cooked and cooked and cooked some more.  I was on my feet a lot! 

So it was no wonder, Tuesday morning, when I woke up exhausted, my legs sore.  I was so tired that I changed the diapers that needed changing, fed the baby and told the kids to stay in their room.  I went back to bed. 

A couple hours later I was a little better, but still tired... and my head ached.  My legs cramped down hard as I realized how out of shape I was to suffer so after a day and a half of being in the kitchen so much.  I really slept that afternoon with Sweet Pea and Belle in our bedroom while the boys napped in theirs.  It was almost 5 (an hour later than normal) when I woke up to kid noises.  Little Man had slept long too, allowing me to do so.  By the time Belle was nursed and Little Man changed it was 5:15 and I had yet to think about dinner.  My Beloved called  five minute later.  When I told him about dinner, he said he didn't think I had.  Chic-fil-a and their kids eat free Tuesdays to the rescue. 

Wednesday morning was similar.  My legs still ached... and my head too.  And I was so tired!  Ugh.  I hadn't slept well in the night.  I'd woken in the middle and taken something for my headache.  The rest of the night I lay on sweaty sheets.  I didn't realize I'd had a fever, but I must have.  Little sleep and so much activity and my immune system had suffered.  My Beloved worked from home that morning to help me out.  He did dishes and helped catch up with laundry.  I was pretty much good for nothing.  ALL. DAY.

Thursday wasn't much different, except that My Beloved went to work.  He mentioned to just the right people that I'd been sick and our sweet friends called that afternoon to offer dinner.  Yes please, I said, willing to accept whatever help would come!  What a blessing!!! 

I woke around 3 am the next morning, desperately needing the bathroom, but it was so cold I didn't want to get up.  I lay there cozy under my blankets what seemed like a long time before finally getting out of bed.  First I would go to the bathroom, then out to the kitchen for ibuprofen or Tylenol or something for my head.  As I was coming back down the hall, though, I heard My Beloved in the kitchen.  Before I could even ask what he'd been doing, he handed me something and told me I had a fever.  My body was hot laying beside him in bed.  I swallowed them down and proceeded to sleep the rest of the morning fitfully, laying in wet sheets again!

The only other little detail I've yet to mention is the rash I found early in the week on my toe, and the other we'd been watching on my leg.  With all the symptoms we'd noted, plus the sore neck that started Friday, it was starting to look too much like Lyme Disease again, so with orders in hand, we headed for the lab at lunchtime Friday for a Lyme Test.  Then to the pharmacy for a starter course of antibiotics.


Tuesday, this week, the results were in. 

Positive.

I have Lyme Disease again.  Almost exactly one year after my first infection.

Labels: As it happens..., Lyme Disease

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 2:08 PM 2 Comments

An Annivesary of Sorts

A deer tick burrowing into my son's neck yesterday morning.

It was one year ago today I was diagnosed (praise the Lord) and began treatment for Lyme Disease.

That was a long week.  It all began the Friday before with high fevers and flu like symptoms.  My legs ached, my head spun... and ached.  Oh, it was a headache I'd never had before.  Then my fever hit 104.  And my head ached and spun and my body ached.

Monday came and My Beloved stayed home.  We went in to see the doctor.  Went for lab work.  I wasn't getting any better.  A lady My Beloved works with had been diagnosed with Lyme Disease the week before.  We wondered.

Tuesday morning My Beloved was staying home again.  I'd had another long night of high fevers and sweats.  Then we saw it.  The rash on my shoulder.  A second visit to the doctor to assess my rash and look at my lab results.  The diagnosis... Lyme Disease.

I began antibiotics.  It would be three more days before my fevers were gone completely.  With the knowledge that this would drag on more than just a couple more days, My Beloved called in his mom from Michigan to come take care of us so he could go back to work.

Somewhere in that week I remember laying on the couch...wondering.  I realize that we never know whether we have another day to live or not.  But that evening as I lay there, children playing around me, I truly wondered if I would wake up the next morning.  I was so sick.  I felt it.  I knew there was a chance that when I fell asleep, I wouldn't wake up. 

And I had regrets.

I found my journal, laying nearby.  I flipped to an open page, and I scribbled down my heart...




If I died that night, would my sweet children know their mama loved them or would they remember only yelling and harshness?  I feared the answer.  I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone else what I wondered, but I left this page open, hoping it would be found by someone and tucked away for a day when my children were older.

And I did something else.  I decided that if I did wake up the next morning, and the next... I would not leave my babies' memories to chance.  I would be careful to live that they would never doubt.

And sadly, I've failed so many times since that day.  If I were that sick again, I would be left to worry the same things.  I found this page in my journal a month or so ago and was left convicted... having forgotten about it in the throws of sickness and memory loss.  But now I'm working on it again... most days.

Lord help me do this!

Labels: Life Lessons for Mommy, Lyme Disease

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 6:00 AM 2 Comments

Where is my heart?

Well... first, let's start with a simpler question. Where am I? Here. I am here at home with my family. My mom, the last of our more than a month of help, left yesterday and if feels like a week ago. Truth be told, I've been able to take care of things on my own for a few weeks now, but it was nice to have the help since she was coming for vacation anyway.

Though I still have at least a month of antibiotics left, really, I'd say I'm just about back to normal. At least what I remember normal to be. Energy wise, I'm doing great! The only two little things that remain are my minor memory lapses from time to time and my singing voice. Now sure why that last one is happening, but I haven't been able to sing quite like I used to since that first weekend of being soooo sick. Maybe it is unrelated, or maybe it will still go away (as I'm hoping with the memory thing)... but if it doesn't, I'm ok with that too.


Funny story. Back in May, the Lord was doing some things in my heart. I read a couple different blog posts and articles that brought conviction and little pricks to my heart (sadly, I don't remember now where I read anything... sorry!) Coupled with what I've known for months (years?) now, I was beginning to give some things over to my Lord to control and decide. Among these was how I spend my time.

I felt a strong urge to take a blogging break. But this after 2 months of focusing on raising my numbers and doing all sorts of research to try to use this blog to help my husband build our "house" fund. My posting was regular, lots (um... that's a relative thing you know!) of you were reading, and I had the full backing and support of my sweet husband. Then these nudges. I began talking my heart pulls over with My Beloved (he was supportive of this too... do you sense a theme?) It seemed maybe I should take the month of June off. No blogging. Minimal reading of blogs. Minimal time at the computer. Period. I was really liking the idea.

Then I thought... maybe July. Things are so busy anyway in July with out of town trips and visitors. Maybe I'll take July off instead.

Then May 31st came and I still hadn't said anything about taking June off, so I thought July for sure. I'd just keep posting... but be careful not to spend too much time online.

Ahem.

Ahem again.

And so some of you may have noticed, that other than a couple update type posts and a blurb on being thankful for Lyme's, I took the month of June off.

I'm not sure I can tell you in only a few words how great it's been, but I will tell you that this time away has helped break my dependence on computer time. I've occasionally even considered walking away for good, and for the first time in years, I think I actually could do it. Easily. I don't actually want to be here sitting at the computer. At all. And if that is what I felt the Lord wanted me to do, I'd be saying good-bye.

But I don't think so. Not yet anyway. I don't know what His plans are for this little blog, but I know what his plans are for me (at least some of them) and they include lots of time focused wholly on my babies and my home (and Him of course). Not my computer screen.

I hope to share some of what this has all meant for me, but in the mean time, I'm back. But my heart... finally... is at home!

Labels: As it happens..., Life Lessons for Mommy, Lyme Disease

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 8:50 PM 2 Comments

Lots of Time

That's right... lots of time, just not lots of energy. I spend lots of time on the edge of stir crazy. A couple evenings (the ones following good long afternoon naps) I actually had the energy to be moving around gabbering and trying to figure out what to do. All this knowing I didn't really have the energy to actually do anything I might come up with.

Recent days, however, have had me up and around more, helping with this or that, or reading with the kids, or off to buy fireworks for an early Father's Day. These days don't include naps, at least not long ones, and my evenings are tired. Though not enough to sleep.

Occasionally I find something to read or re-read. Otherwise, it's time for thinking... and praying.

In the midst of my high fevers, as I lay awake all hours... sleepless... I could pray. And I did. I prayed for people. For wisdom. Prayers of worship. Of thanksgiving. It's been one of the several hidden blessings behind this sickness.

Prayer. Oh how I've enjoyed it.

Attached to the prayer has been reflection and thought. Thinking through the coming homeschool year as we embark on "official" kindergarten. Thinking through this has led to both reading and reflection. Oh... and of course more prayer. I've stacked books on my wishlist, (both ones I've read before and some I haven't) begun frequenting the archives of a blog or two, and am rethinking through what it is to live. To be.

What started as a list of what to do with my kindergartner has evolved into how I want to live my day to day life with my children. In general.

And so, with limited energy I press on in this. Thinking. Reflecting. Praying. Grateful for the place He has put me right now... with lots of time.



Choosing gratefulness:
(298-309)

• Lyme Disease
• enough energy to think, ponder and pray
• a mother in law who moved in and took over (taking care of us all)
• having no idea what is happening in my own kitchen (I can't find anything)
• my biggest baby on grandma's lap through church
• cuddling to read chapter books with that same boy
• a husband working on his own projects
• a wonderful father for my children!
• laundry and dishes that do themselves (thanks mom!)
• a cruiser... cruising around the living room
• ribbons in curly pig-tails
• smiles returning to faces because of momma hugs

Labels: Gratitude, Lyme Disease, Reflections

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 9:04 PM 6 Comments

Feeling so much better

Just popping in for an update. Energy is still low, but all the pain, fever, night sweats, and insomnia are gone. Have been since probably Saturday now. I'm even able to do a few things here and there. Anything I do, though, is equally proportionate to how much I'll sleep in the late morning or afternoon (depending on when I do it).

It's wonderful to have My Beloved's mom here with us still. I suppose we could do it without her at this point if we had no other option (though not before), but every day I'd just get further and further behind. I'm certainly not ready to be picking up my normal schedule. We'd be on "just the basics" a while longer I think and it's so nice to have her here. She does all the cooking and dishes and laundry. She asked for a mop bucket this morning. (My floors won't know what hit them!) Right now she's out with the kids on a walk (they missed the outside It think!) while the baby sleeps and I'm just here.

I'm getting antsy and wanting to be doing more than sitting/laying around, but I know I'm not quite ready for normal stuff yet. I'm going to try to start working toward it little baby step at a time so I don't have to just plunge right into full time when I am on my own again one day. And I'll take it as slow as it seems I need. :) Praise the Lord for help!

Labels: As it happens..., Lyme Disease

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 9:38 AM 1 Comments