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Where is my heart?

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Chasing Babies... Growing in Grace: Where is my heart?

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Where is my heart?

Well... first, let's start with a simpler question. Where am I? Here. I am here at home with my family. My mom, the last of our more than a month of help, left yesterday and if feels like a week ago. Truth be told, I've been able to take care of things on my own for a few weeks now, but it was nice to have the help since she was coming for vacation anyway.

Though I still have at least a month of antibiotics left, really, I'd say I'm just about back to normal. At least what I remember normal to be. Energy wise, I'm doing great! The only two little things that remain are my minor memory lapses from time to time and my singing voice. Now sure why that last one is happening, but I haven't been able to sing quite like I used to since that first weekend of being soooo sick. Maybe it is unrelated, or maybe it will still go away (as I'm hoping with the memory thing)... but if it doesn't, I'm ok with that too.

Funny story. Back in May, the Lord was doing some things in my heart. I read a couple different blog posts and articles that brought conviction and little pricks to my heart (sadly, I don't remember now where I read anything... sorry!) Coupled with what I've known for months (years?) now, I was beginning to give some things over to my Lord to control and decide. Among these was how I spend my time.

I felt a strong urge to take a blogging break. But this after 2 months of focusing on raising my numbers and doing all sorts of research to try to use this blog to help my husband build our "house" fund. My posting was regular, lots (um... that's a relative thing you know!) of you were reading, and I had the full backing and support of my sweet husband. Then these nudges. I began talking my heart pulls over with My Beloved (he was supportive of this too... do you sense a theme?) It seemed maybe I should take the month of June off. No blogging. Minimal reading of blogs. Minimal time at the computer. Period. I was really liking the idea.

Then I thought... maybe July. Things are so busy anyway in July with out of town trips and visitors. Maybe I'll take July off instead.

Then May 31st came and I still hadn't said anything about taking June off, so I thought July for sure. I'd just keep posting... but be careful not to spend too much time online.


Ahem again.

And so some of you may have noticed, that other than a couple update type posts and a blurb on being thankful for Lyme's, I took the month of June off.

I'm not sure I can tell you in only a few words how great it's been, but I will tell you that this time away has helped break my dependence on computer time. I've occasionally even considered walking away for good, and for the first time in years, I think I actually could do it. Easily. I don't actually want to be here sitting at the computer. At all. And if that is what I felt the Lord wanted me to do, I'd be saying good-bye.

But I don't think so. Not yet anyway. I don't know what His plans are for this little blog, but I know what his plans are for me (at least some of them) and they include lots of time focused wholly on my babies and my home (and Him of course). Not my computer screen.

I hope to share some of what this has all meant for me, but in the mean time, I'm back. But my heart... finally... is at home!

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At July 11, 2011 at 2:34 AM , Blogger Sarah said...

Glad to have you back! Totally understand about nudges, but glad that you're sticking around. I really enjoy reading your blog. And I'm so pleased your better!

At January 13, 2012 at 9:08 AM , Blogger Morgan said...

I, too, have Lyme and am trying to raise a family while dealing with illness. I'm 3 months into treatment so far.

How are you feeling now? Are you still being treated?


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