19 Weeks Along, Part 1

Wow! I can't believe I'm already (or should I say finally) 19 weeks along. Since I haven't really even mentioned my pregnancy since I shared the news, I was thinking I'd share some about the first half (almost) of my forth pregnancy (though it's the third time this far in).

In light of our loss in October, this pregnancy took me by surprise... big time. Not only were we planning not to have any more children, the doctor's told me that I needed to wait at least 3 months before even trying. I remember thinking in my head that it certainly wasn't going to be a problem. Funny how things work sometimes, isn't it?

Because I was sure I wasn't pregnant, I ignored some of the little signs for a few more days than I probably would have otherwise. Sure enough, 5 weeks in, we were expecting again. My emotions were mixed. It was surreal. I didn't know what I felt. Guilt for "letting" this happen again (it is me who wants more children after all)? Fear that we would lose this baby too? Doubt that it was all happening in the first place? Excitement... which usually triggered more guilt?

Within the week, I didn't have the energy to think much about the new baby. New guilt took over. Already this pregnancy was getting in the way of taking care of my family and home... already it was interfering with normal life for my sweet husband. I didn't have any energy. I felt lazy. I was tired. Because I was unprepared for this, I had nothing in my freezer and not enough energy to put toward pre-planning to make things smoother. Deep down I knew some ideas (which I hope to implement before getting too much further into this pregnancy), but bringing them to the surface while trying to survive was another story.

A few more days brought the morning sickness... which I believe I've mentioned was not restricted to the mornings. December was rough. I was thankful when my mom arrived for her two week Christmas break in our home. She kept the house running and even caught me up on several things (bathroom floor for one).

By the end of the first week of January I was feeling much better. Much of my energy had returned and the sickness was confined to mornings and late nights, with only occasional reappearances due to hunger or thirst mid-day. I was grateful! I now had time and energy to set my mind again on how I felt about having a baby... not that knowing how I felt was going to change anything. To tell you the truth, though I was excited and looking forward to it, I was mostly still in disbelief (and continued in that until somewhat recently). Though I most certainly "FELT" pregnant, I didn't really feel pregnant at all. My first prenatal appointment came and with it, my first ultrasound. There was indeed a little baby growing inside me! More excitement!

To be continued...

Labels: Pregnancy

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 8:38 AM