Lots of Time

That's right... lots of time, just not lots of energy. I spend lots of time on the edge of stir crazy. A couple evenings (the ones following good long afternoon naps) I actually had the energy to be moving around gabbering and trying to figure out what to do. All this knowing I didn't really have the energy to actually do anything I might come up with.

Recent days, however, have had me up and around more, helping with this or that, or reading with the kids, or off to buy fireworks for an early Father's Day. These days don't include naps, at least not long ones, and my evenings are tired. Though not enough to sleep.

Occasionally I find something to read or re-read. Otherwise, it's time for thinking... and praying.

In the midst of my high fevers, as I lay awake all hours... sleepless... I could pray. And I did. I prayed for people. For wisdom. Prayers of worship. Of thanksgiving. It's been one of the several hidden blessings behind this sickness.

Prayer. Oh how I've enjoyed it.

Attached to the prayer has been reflection and thought. Thinking through the coming homeschool year as we embark on "official" kindergarten. Thinking through this has led to both reading and reflection. Oh... and of course more prayer. I've stacked books on my wishlist, (both ones I've read before and some I haven't) begun frequenting the archives of a blog or two, and am rethinking through what it is to live. To be.

What started as a list of what to do with my kindergartner has evolved into how I want to live my day to day life with my children. In general.

And so, with limited energy I press on in this. Thinking. Reflecting. Praying. Grateful for the place He has put me right now... with lots of time.



Choosing gratefulness:
(298-309)

• Lyme Disease
• enough energy to think, ponder and pray
• a mother in law who moved in and took over (taking care of us all)
• having no idea what is happening in my own kitchen (I can't find anything)
• my biggest baby on grandma's lap through church
• cuddling to read chapter books with that same boy
• a husband working on his own projects
• a wonderful father for my children!
• laundry and dishes that do themselves (thanks mom!)
• a cruiser... cruising around the living room
• ribbons in curly pig-tails
• smiles returning to faces because of momma hugs

Labels: Gratitude, Lyme Disease, Reflections

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 9:04 PM 6 Comments

It isn't even ours

It isn't even ours, yet I picture the walls a different color.
Isn't even ours, but I know where I'd put the beds.
It isn't even ours, but I have the chickens and goats all assigned to their quarters.
Isn't even ours, but garden plans are swimming in my head.


I guess you could say we took the next step toward our dream of homesteading... are trying to anyway. Thursday evening we went to look at a little place on five acres... then we followed our realtor across town to her office and filled out contracts to make an offer.

*Silence*

Yeah. We were pretty surprised too. Neither of us expected it to go anywhere when we left the house to go look at this one. Our realtor had sent me the link for it the day before and we agreed to go look at it, but for the price we could pay, it was way to good to be true. We knew there was something wrong with it.

And there is... but we were certain there would be something more wrong with it than we were willing to take on. Or could afford to.

So we went, hoping that the too good to be true wasn't. We arrived and liked it already. Our sweet realtor (church friend) had brought her General Contractor husband along to look at it for us too. What a special blessing!

Long story short (I'll "bless" you with the details when and if we actually get the house), it has everything we wanted (before recently deciding we could settle for less) plus a bunch of stuff we knew we couldn't want yet and a few things we would never think to ask for. It'll be work, don't get me wrong... but it has sooo much potential.

It's bank owned, and banks are kinda a pain. Instead of giving them 24 hours like we probably could have to make their decision, this bank requires 5 days... business days. Ugh! That's like... Thursday.

My pastor's wife put it best this morning when she said we must be cautiously ecstatic! Yep... and the "cautiously" part isn't stopping me from planning it all out in my head. The ecstatic part is just too strong!

So we wait... and it's not so bad. We know this would be an awesome house (on five acres with out buildings and 3 bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms... ahem... sorry). And we want it really bad. But we know that God knows what he has for us. Knows our future. Knows what we need. And if this isn't it... we know He holds the heavens in his hands. We know that if this isn't what He has planned for us, we don't want it.

And we know that if it is what He has planned... it's going to be an awesome little homestead!!



Counting our blessings...

290. God is bigger than my dreams

291. God's dreams for us are bigger than my dreams for ourselves!

292. He knows what we'll find out on Thursday

293. He knows what we won't know for days after that

294. He cares for us

295. Provides for us

296. Loves us

297. His grace is sufficient!

Amen!


Also linked to...

Labels: Gratitude, Homesteading

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 8:56 PM 3 Comments

... and counting!

281. Doing it Enyway

282. enjoying the results of it

283. a tidy kitchen

284. clean dishes

285. guilt free

286. praise from My Beloved

287. progress

288. habits forming

289. inertia (easier to keep things clean than to clean things up!)

Labels: Gratitude

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 8:52 PM 0 Comments

Grabbing the ropes again!

I know I'm not the only one. Sometimes we all just need a little re-boot! We rarely (never!) plan on things falling apart. Sure, we may know it's about to happen... we may even have a contingency plan, but we never say, ok... now are going to loose control of everything.

Um... no.

Sometimes, something else is just more important! And there were some of those things last week that just needed to be more important than blogging about how badly I'm keeping my schedule! Suzy had to wait!

Of course, with that lack of focus here, came a lack of focus overall. It was a bit of a stressful week for me. Emotional. Rough. Growing.

But good. We need to reach the bottom to see how far we've come. How low we are.

It's always funny (not haha funny) to me that we can't tell we've let go of the rope until we are free-falling toward the hard rocky ground.

It amazes me how bad things can get inside us before we realize something isn't quite right.

The summer of 2002 I lived in Bolivia... far from the city in a mountain village of Villagrande. I was there as part of a missionary training program for back country/ pioneer missions. I was part missionary that summer, and part trainee. We served, ministered and learned. It was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do.

We (me and two others I'd never met before this trip) took Spanish, immersion style, from a woman who knew no English and couldn't even tell how the Spanish text book was to be used. We served in a church, learned to slaughter chickens, took long weekend trips to more remote villages where bathing was something done in the creek and you walked until to couldn't see people anymore before you "used that bathroom" behind a big rock.

I lived with an elderly couple that knew no English and took my meals with deaf Bolivian girls in the "dorm" across the street". At least there I could communicate as their language is very similar to ASL.

During that summer, I knew I needed a rope to get through... rather, I should say I needed the one who held the rope! And I clung to it.

I knew I wouldn't make it day by day without first having my time with God. I knew going in that I needed to make it a priority. I spent every morning reading God's Word and talking with him. I chose a big chunk of Scripture and worked on committing it to memory. I was holding on tight with both hands. And these times weren't just done to cross off my list... they were part of me... and I them.

And what an awesome summer of growth and communion with my Lord!

But doesn't it always happen this way... that when we return to what we know, we loosen that hold. Maybe only hold on with one hand. Or, worse... let go all together. We can do it ourselves after all!


It occurred to me this past weekend that I've been missing something in this journey through motherhood. I live each day like the rest. I wake up, go about my tasks. Sometimes things go well, sometimes they don't. I struggle to do a good job. I spend weeks at a time "disciplined in my quiet times", only to fail in them for longer between.

It has never occurred to me before now that I'm in the thick, now, of the hardest thing I've ever had to do... and I need to hold on tight with both hands!

Being a godly woman, a submissive and respectful wife and consistent, loving mother are the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And I'm doing them with only one hand on the rope... sometimes letting go altogether.

I truly need God's help to do this thing right... to make it through each day... to raise these children right!



To be continued...

Labels: Gratitude, Life Lessons for Mommy, Raising Children, Reflections, Suzy meets P31

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 3:22 PM 0 Comments

When you're down with the "D"s

Those dreadful "D"s. I hadn't even thought about it until Little Mommy left her comment yesterday, but most of those words that describe how we're doing when we're not doing so great... they do start with "D".

Words like discouraged, depressed, despair, downcast, downtrodden, defeated, disheartened.

Then there are a whole heap of words that don't start with "D" that are similar. And some days we just feel them don't we? Many days for some of us?

Add little sleep, lots of children, and hormones and we're lucky to have a day that is free and clear of those down feelings!

I hate to admit that I used to doubt what depression really was. I didn't understand why and how people struggled with it. I'm ashamed now to say that I wished they'd just snap out of it... do something about it. Don't just sit there and wallow in it.

Now that I've been on the other side... I totally understand. I am so grateful for the opportunity to experience it for myself. (Does that sound strange to anyone else???) Because I can now understand that feeling of wanting to climb back under the covers and shrink away from the world and everything in it. I can understand preferring to just cry than to deal with the weight of everything pressing in around me.

I get it.

Finally.


But here's the trick... as believers we do have a way out. It's hard. Believe me, I know. And we don't want to do it. I don't understand why, exactly. But we don't. Somehow we'd rather wallow in our self-pity.

But let me tell you... it gets old. And we're trapped. Unable to get out from under that cloud alone.

So what do we do? How can we make it stop?

It's not easy... but it is simple. Worship.

Start small. Stop if you can. Sit with pen and paper, journal, something. Can't stop? Speak it outloud. Whisper if that's all you can muster.

You are God.

Keep it up!

You made the heavens and the earth.

You are mighty, strong, everlasting!

"I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made!"

Say thank you!
Thank you for sky, clouds, rain.

Spring time, late snow, blowing leaves.

Thank you for babies. Crying. Tiny spoons. Food on the floor. Diapers. Laundry. Leaks.

Thank you for children. Messes. Cuddling. Lunchtime together. Help with the chores. Conversations.

Thank you for strength. Health. Hands.

Plead. Admit. Confess. Sometimes I think we forget that admitting our weakness in light of His strength can be a form of worship. It all depends on our hearts before Him!

God I can't do this without you.

Please help me.

I need you.

Help me to breath.

*Sob* *Sob* *Sob* (Wouldn't He rather we do it to Him, bring it to Him, than to fall apart alone... without admitting our need?)

Sing.

Our God is an awesome God!

I worship you almighty God!

Lord I lift your name on high!

Listen. Can't sing yet... don't have it in you? Turn on some of your favorite worship music. My sweet husband often does this for me before he leaves for work on the days he notices I'm lower than usual. Amazing how hearing someone else worship can be so helpful to encourage our hearts!


Sometimes we just can't get out for ourselves. There is a very important thing you must do on the days you just can't get started with any of these things. Tell someone. Share your heart with your husband, sister, friend... someone, anyone who can act as encourager for you. Someone in the same house is so helpful... someone to turn on the music, open in prayer... pray for you. Hold you tight.

It wasn't until I'd shared my struggles with my husband Sunday that I started to see that my sad lot in life wasn't all that sad after all. From there... worship, communion with my God... hope!

This is what works for me.

What do you do when you find yourself struggling with the "D"s???

Linking to...

Labels: Depression, Gratitude, Life Lessons for Mommy

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 9:03 AM 1 Comments

Counting...

240. Mercies that are new every morning!

241. A new week!

242. Scripture... and time in it!

243. sharing my heart with my husband

244. his gracious, gentle, and loving way with my heart!

245. failure

246. grace!

247. impatience

248. grace!

249. selfish anger

250. grace!

250. being on task today!

251. sharing a special lunch with my boy

252. finding *something* my baby will eat!

253. mashed potatoes (see previous)

254. His strength in our weakness!

255. a list to cross off

256. a house to look at

257. sleeping baby!



I've determined to start this week fresh! Thanks to all of you for waiting for me... and for your grace! So many things played into my "blah"... and all of them were used to attack me. Our "enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8) We must be alert! And we must, "in everything, give thanks!" (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Labels: Gratitude

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 11:34 AM 0 Comments

Moment by Moment Grace

Living gratefulness... what does that really look like? I determined to find out.

Most of the house was still asleep. I stepped out...

229. Thank you for these quiet moments.

230. these dishes to wash

231. the mouths that use this little fork

232. the dirty blender... signifying time taken to make My Beloved a smoothie

233. new dishes filling the sink


My littles were hungery...

231. a baby to nurse

232. diapers to change

233. potty time to monitor

234. "mommy wipe me"

235. breakfast to cook

236. a table to clear

237. faces and hands to wash

238. crumbs to sweep from the floor

239. attitudes that bring teaching moments



And so many more.

I know I didn't remember to continue with my thanksgiving through the whole day. But I also know what joy I felt the morning hours while I was remembering. I've never enjoyed washing dishes so much. Nor have I felt such overflowing love for my littles... in the midst of the normal everyday training needs. I was flooded with patience, love, and grace for my sweet babies!

Lord make this my every minute!

Labels: As it happens..., Gratitude

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 10:55 PM 2 Comments

Accountability: Time with God

Just checking in briefly to report:

I didn't do as well this week as I had hoped, but I did way better than I have been!

Several times I took the opportunity to sit with the kids and do "Bible Time" and was so glad for it!

Yesterday in particular, we were behind on morning chores (which is to say that it was later than I'd hoped when we were finally wrapping up the kitchen clean up) when I finally announced for everyone to grab their "Bibles" and head to the couch. I didn't read long (so many distractions this particular morning), but did deliberately take time to pray... both before and after Sweet Pea needed to go potty ("right now"). I felt the difference in my attitude and outlook after taking that time to really talk with God! When I was done I took special time to pray with the kids... slowly and talked through it all. It was a great time with them!

Today I didn't get/take the time to sit and do Bible Time, but I made a point of walking in thanksgiving as I went about my tasks. It was such a blessing. My heart swelled with love for my littles and desire to be around them. That, in and of itself, was a real encouragement today! But the joy to be washing those dishes, tidying those messes, etc. was more than I could have expected!

I may not have been as faithful as I would have liked, but I know I grew in grace this week... and I'm excited to grow even more in the days to come!

How did you do?

Labels: Gratitude, Life Lessons for Mommy, Suzy meets P31

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 11:26 PM 0 Comments

Just thankful

More...

212. a little extra sleep!

213. games, food and fellowship with friends!

214. rain

215. flooding that comes with it

216. a family safe!

217. opportunity for Christ to be shared in Japan!

218. overcast skies

219. my sweet baby

220. trimmed fingernails!

221. a house on the road to recovery!

222. routine (however much I fight against them!)

223. laundry everyday

224. help with the folding

225. a small house

226. riverbeds... it's amazing how they work

227. family "adventures"

228. kids scared of everything

Labels: Gratitude

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 10:05 AM 3 Comments

Thunder

We sat at the table early (though to you, maybe not.) Shining sun clouded out into dark shades of gray while sky water doesn't puddle, but flows steady through our yard. Pencils strewn about the table in a myriad of colors. Children chatter and create.

Small February rumbles go unnoticed over the hum of yogurt incubating nearby. As rumbles grow, I listen. I watch.

I watch my boy. Waiting.

Suddenly, at peak, his eyes meet mine. Big. Mouth parted, ready to ask.

I smile bright, glowing excitement. Hoping to dispel fears. "Thunder!"

His face hardly changes. Slowly, methodically, with forced smile, he speaks, "But why is there thunder in the morning?" His lip doesn't quiver, but I see it there. His voice doesn't quite shake, but I hear it. No tears come, but I see them. He works so hard to push all signs of panic from himself.

But I see. I see it all and my heart can only smile inside. My words work quickly... gently... to calm his anxious heart. But inside I cherish this moment. This memory.

How long will it be before his heart is brave and these moments are gone forever?

Daddy comes out later and I relate the little story to him quietly... "you know that little way he does it." I say, knowing that he'll know.

How I love my sweet boy.








Counting on...

201. his little quirks

202. all his fears

203. his dependence on me

204. his cuddles

205. his independence

206. his decision to "always obey from now on"

207. more discipline after that

208. raising up this little heart

209. learning to mommy him better

210. learning to depend on my Father in loving His little ones

211. thunderstorms in February

Labels: As it happens..., Gratitude

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 2:54 PM 1 Comments

It could be me

It's everywhere. I'm surrounded. We all are, aren't we? I can almost guarantee you know someone. I know them by the handful. Ann talks of hers. Amy lives it.

Here, in real life, the numbers keep growing. One precious adopted grandma to my babies is gives up part of herself today... hoping the bad cells go too. Another special lady trusts completely as they watch her liver so close. Will those cells shrink? Will they be able to operate?

Our hearts remember each Sunday when we smile at him. It's only been a few months since we said good-bye to his sweet wife. Her battle here finished, but rejoicing and celebration There! A life well lived!

At 15, new marrow in her bones, each day she fights, each day she trusts. The blood is almost entirely hers, but the battle is not over.

The older gentleman worshiping with raised hands, he beams so that we can't tell how his body fights within. How the side effects ravage him.


There are more. So many more... each whose lives we've been so blessed to touch... to have been touched by.

I can't help but think today... there is no reason it's not me. Only that God has written the stories of each of us. And today my story is health... strength. But we do not know what tomorrow may bring. So for today I am grateful. Grateful for health. For strength. And for so many more....

May I always remember as I pick up my daily list of to dos, that I can do them... and praise be to God for that.




More of my 1000...

179. that He forgives when we stop giving Him thanks.

180. that we are only ever one thought, word, moment from the next opportunity to offer it up again!

181. health

182. strength: to clean potty off the floor, to carry my baby just because she wants me to, to read one more story, teach one more lesson, wash one more dish

183. that I can scrub my floor, wash my dishes, fold my laundry.

184. His constant presence!

185. a constant dialog

186. patience taught one moment, one event, one failure at a time

187. patience received from others

188. when they sleep

189. lessons learned when they aren't

190. laundry to fold (without babies there would be none)

191. dishes to do (without babies there would be so few)

192. help with the dusting

193. giggles with I Love Yous!

194. "we're playing a game!" {giggles}

195. clapping

196. laughing

197. hugs

198. kisses

199. cuddles

200. grey skies!

Labels: Gratitude, Life Lessons for Mommy

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 1:51 PM 1 Comments

Thankful for...

... a few more and counting...


172. Daddy coming home at the end of the day

173. you tube time in the chair with Daddy

174. this view from the kitchen

175. help while I finish up dinner

176. my servant husband willing to put aside tiredness or quiet time after work to grab up the kids so I can concentrate

177. those same arms that hug me tight

178. being on this crazy journey together

Labels: Gratitude, Prince Charming, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 10:58 PM 0 Comments

Wonderful Grace

If anything is laid out opportunity for practicing patience, reading lessons are sure to be it.

Lunch complete. Sister and baby are down. It's time to be just with Mommy. Fifteen minutes alone, more or less, to do lessons.

He loves them. Asks for them!

We've barely settled into a spot on the floor. Book open. Sounds rolling off his tongue in slow motion. I'm already frustrated. He looks up, smiles.

"I'm having fun with you Mommy!"

My heart breaks. Guilt floats at the top of my cup, overflowing with gratitude at those sweet words.

I pull him close. How can I not be enjoying this precious child? This gift? This blessing?

Why is silliness such a frustration? Why don't I remember that repetition is how they learn?

"I'm having fun with you too," I say, squeezing gently, determined to do so. And so much more the angrier at myself when I've brought him to tears not 5 minutes later. Over what? Not his reading... he does wonderfully. Because he isn't sitting right... or doesn't put his finger in the right spot.

Lord, why this anger? This hypocrisy?

There is no character issue here... at least not with him. My character is another issue entirely.

It is soiled black. I strike out at one of the least of these... am I not striking out at Him? Yet He, in all his longsuffering love for me... He just waits. His Spirit stirs in my heart... patience. Love. Kindness.

"Love is patient, love is kind... is not easily angered...." First Corinthians 13 rattles off in my mind.

I gather him into my lap, holding him close. Letting him wipe his tear soaked face into the fibers of my sweater. "I'm so sorry!" I whisper soft into his ear.

We decide to finish the lesson, sitting close. My hand follows the words. He hesitates. "Mama won't get mad... I promise. You can do it." Words come out slowly, unsure. "Good!" I whisper soft. More. "Well done." He grows more confident. More excited.

We end with a hug... I fall over beneath him. He pulls on my arm, helping. "I want to be carried," he says. I scoop him up. Little arms pull around my neck. Grace. Wonderful grace.



159. cuddles with my boy

160. a "bear crawling in his den" as he pushes between my back and the cushion with his face.

161. help shoveling snow

162. hearing his little voice sing a new verse of "Trust and Obey"

163. hugs a brother bestows on his crying sister

164. excitement over "writing"

165. excitement over making cookies

166. excitement over helping

167. excitement over anything at all!

168. growing taller

169. watching him learn

170. "I'm having fun with you Mommy!"

171. Grace!

Labels: As it happens..., Gratitude, Life Lessons for Mommy, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 10:20 AM 1 Comments

Fresh worries and the Creator

The end of five months came and with it the same worries fresh.

Digital numbers on display. A baby on the scale. He's growing!

But is it *enough*?

Is it ever enough?

Three babies born to us, and never do they gain quite the way I hope... never are all doubts quenched. All questions quieted.

Then come the gentle words, again... the baby, look at the baby. Not the charts.

Not the charts. But how can I ignore? How can I but compare? What else do I know?

The baby. A mother of three, still I flounder. I stare long, mind empty. I don't know. I expect some sort of understanding. It doesn't come.

I say I don't compare. Each child is different. But I do. Not to my oldest. Not to my girl. But to hundreds of thousands of others.


Look at the baby. This baby. My baby.

How can he be behind in pounds and ounces, yet perfect in every other way?

How can he be behind in pounds and ounces, yet ahead in diapers and laundry? (So far ahead!)

Look at the baby! This baby. Not his baby or her baby or all of those babies... My baby.

Look at the smiles, the laughs, the eyes. Hear the laughs, the cries, the squeals. Wipe the spit-up, change the diapers, wash the laundry.

My baby.

I look to the Creator of the baby, not the maker of the charts. With that, He calms all my questions. Soothes all my fears.

And He'll be there to do it again tomorrow, and next week, and next month... until finally I trust. Until finally I remember.

Labels: Breastfeeding, Gratitude, Little Moments, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 3:02 PM 1 Comments

6 years... and half a day off

Sunday, My Beloved and I celebrated 6 years of marriage! It's hard to believe it's been six years... and yet it feels like we've been married always!

With no big plans for the day, we took the kids to church like always, then got a sitter for the afternoon and took the rest of the day "off".

It was great!

We don't do that very often... just get a sitter. If we get a sitter, usually it's for business reasons and we're back as soon as we can.

Sunday, we just went out. The PA Farmshow is this week and we've never been (well, I hadn't anyway). It was so fun to just walk around and be together. We bought spices, tasted all the yummy food, and looked at all sorts of fun farm animals. Some of our best talks are walking around like that. When nothing else is happening.

We had options for our day... we could bring the baby with us, or we could stop by home to feed him and go back out. We went with that one. We called one of our favorite sitters and headed out. Came home, fed the baby, dealt with a few discipline issues and headed back out. Not because we had anywhere to go, but to just be together. (Again, not something we ever do away from home.)

We went to Target. And to a pizza shop where we ordered and waited and talked... then took it home. When we returned, the kids were jammied and in bed. Little Man was beside himself without Mommy, inconsolable in the sitter's arms (never have tried being gone like that before... now we know what happens).

It was a wonderful day together. I fed Little Man and got him settled back in bed.

Then we ate pizza.

And watched a movie.

Nothing special about the day... but the day was so special!

Labels: Gratitude, Prince Charming

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 10:24 AM 2 Comments

"It Just Happened"

I had already "lost it" several times since nap time began. I could tell it wasn't going to go well from the start. Little Man was already in there, screaming, when I brought Sweet Pea in, diapered her and tucked her beneath the covers of their new bunk beds. I took a few minutes to cuddle Little Man, helping him calm down. Once calm, I tucked him, too, into his bed. The crying resumed. I left the very noisy room with the reminder to Sweet Pea to stay in bed, quiet and still. And not to keep Little Man awake.

My hope (however unfounded) was that she would fall right to sleep and be long gone before I brought Tornado in a short time later. I joined Tornado beneath the cozy red blanket on the couch for our "reading lesson" (which is in fact a reading lesson... but it's the way he always says it no matter what, so it cracks me up). When we were done 20ish minutes later, we walked in to a fully awake Sweet Pea (and a sleeping Little Man). That is truly when I knew it was not going to go well. They do much better when one is asleep already. Otherwise...

The biggest deal here was that they NOT wake up Little Man. Have I mentioned that I'm sick? I worked all last week (a labor of love, but work none the less) caring for my sick family. Adding to the sick tolls each day until My Beloved was #4 come Thursday and Friday. Over the weekend, my body (despite fresh garlic, elderberry syrup, lots of herbal tea and all) finally gave to it all. And here I am... My Beloved is back at work (after last week's vacation) and I am here taking care of my sick self, two busy and still a bit sick kids and one still sick but oh so cute baby.

There now... with all the background. Next came my (several) blow ups. I got angry and I let it fly. I'm not proud... I'm not happy about it. But it happened. I think I may need a new 3x5 card... my old one died a curly death above the sink. And I really exploded in an open fit of frustration when they woke up the baby. I asked their forgiveness and hugs were given all around, but it still happened.

Then, while nursing (now awake) Little Man in the living room, I heard hysterical cries from the bedroom. Strange, not because it doesn't happen sometimes, but because it is usually preceded with some loud crash or bump.

Today... nothing.

Just crying.

More curious than worried, I grabbed up Little Man and we headed back to find out what would start such crying from both children. When I opened the door I had to hold back my chuckle. First I asked the question I always ask when I find something like this... "Are you hurt or scared?" I had to ask several times, as usual before I could understand the answer through the sobs.

Scared.

Ok, good. I can work with scared. And they should be scared... they just broke my curtains! As I came around to the side of the bed, I could see them both. Sweet Pea up on her knees hysterical... and inconsolable. Tornado, much the same on his top bunk, holding up half of the curtains on the rod. The other half of the rod was still attached to the window frame, curtains sagging low.

I took Tornado's half from him, laying it on the dresser. Then I decided to let loose... I laughed. I couldn't help it. Eventually Tornado was laughing too... really more of a laugh/cry. Sweet Pea was still sobbing. It helped her when I took down the other half of the curtains.

And no one would have gotten in trouble for it either... I was going to let the fear be their consequence... until Tornado lied about how the whole thing happened. As if the curtains could just fall when no one was touching them... and he just happened to be fast enough to catch them before they fell to the ground.

Ah huh.

Right.


I returned to the living room with Little Man and could only think how grateful I am for my babies... even on days like these. If I didn't have all these little frustrations, it would mean I didn't have these precious ones to raise, train, and spend my time with!





116. Painting watercolors together for missionary friends

117. Tornado's duplo "garage with lots of doors" (his first "garage" by himself)

118. Some dry nights (for Tornado... mine are all dry)

119. Many 8 hour night stretches for Little Man

120. A wonderful time having My Beloved home last week

121. hours of work done by My Beloved around the house.

122. kids and husband that are feeling better

123. grace in sickness!

Labels: Gratitude, Have to Laugh

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 3:56 PM 1 Comments

Clinging to Gratitude in a Christmas full of heartache

I've been falling behind on my gratitude journaling. And it's especially necessary when He allows difficult things in our lives. So here we are... no waiting for the new year to turn over new leaves (there are enough of them for that anyway!), we're starting right back here with number 104!




104. A "quiet" family Christmas with my family

105. Living where we do

106. My sweet and loving husband

107. Three babies to chase train up for the Lord

108. A God who can fill our voids (when we let Him)

109. God's literal Word (telling us exactly what we need to know)

110. Grace (oh how I need to learn how to offer it as freely as I receive it from Him)

111. hard times (so that I remember to turn to Him!)

112. relationships (even the hard ones)

113. new beginnings in Christ (where all new beginnings should start)

114. hope (He has overcome the world!)

115. that I can find my smile in even 5 minutes of gratitude!


Thank you Lord for helping me find my joy tonight!

Labels: Gratitude

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 9:12 PM 2 Comments

Grateful for Play

One of the (many) areas I am woefully lacking in this mothering journey is in just playing with my babies. There always seem to be too many other things to do.

Sure, I include them in my things. Yes, we read together a lot. And there is all the talking and "Mommy, watch this."

But playing....


Playing is harder for me for some reason. I'd rather watch... and then instead of watching I'm "dovetailing" some other activity a the same time. So much for watching. So much for being a part.

Recently we've been struggling with obedience in our household. It seems like we struggle to want to obey. To care. And it seems to us (the mommy and daddy) that NOTHING is getting through. The verses. The talking. The urging. Scolding. "Discipline measures". Nothing. Even staking... he (in particular) just doesn't seem to care.

What is a mother to do?


I received my copy of Homepreschool and Beyond the other day and I read something in chapter two that has stuck with me:

"Parent's need to spend time playing with and talking to their children every day. Parents who do this will reap an unexpected benefit: Their children will work hard to please them and to protect their relationship (emphasis mine)." Susan Lemons, Homepreschool and Beyond

Not a new concept for me, but a much needed reminder... and spelled out so simply.



I don't know how long it will take for this relationship to be restored, for enough heart strings to be retied, but I am grateful for the process. Grateful for play!



Grateful for:

94. beautiful Sunday afternoon weather

95. planting bulbs with my boy

96. an old deflated ball

97. kickball in the front yard

98. laughter

99. rough housing and a sore jaw

100. my boy's smile

101. an opportunity to play

102. taking that opportunity to play

103. memories

Labels: As it happens..., Gratitude, Heart Strings, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 3:01 PM 3 Comments

God, Our Protector

"I want hot dogs from the hot dog store." Tornado said, mimicking his desires from the night before when we were discussing where to go to dinner.

We were at church now... fellowshiping until only a few handfuls of people scattered about in the hallways. We make our way down the long hall, through the doors and out into the parking lot. Moments later our dark green Saturn pulls out of the church parking lot.

I sit quietly, noting the left instead of right, waiting to see where we are headed. The freeway? Lunch out? I would let My Beloved keep his secret as long as he wanted too. Let him enjoy whatever he had planned.

Our turn for the freeway onramp just ahead. A kid talks to me from the back seat. I turn to listen. Returning my attention frontward, I see it. White car crossing over white line. Not slowing. Not stopping. My Beloved sees it too. Brakes. Swerves. He tries to take it in his own door. He tries to turn. To minimize impact. To control the uncontrollable.

I see it all in real time, not slow motion as I expect. I say nothing. Hold nothing. Can do nothing. I except it instead of bracing for it.

Impact.



Metal crunches. Or is it all plastic? The scene before me changes quickly. Road. Trees. Road. Overpass. Intersection. The spinning stops but the screaming behind me has only just begun. Panic.

Before a second passes, I am out of the car. Opening a rear door before I even know what I'm doing. They're all crying, but Little Man looks fine. I run around the car to Sweet Pea's side. Pull the handle. Nothing. Reaching over Little Man again, I unbuckle both children. Meet them in my seat up front. How can I know whether children this small are ok?

A man runs toward our car. A witness. He's asking if we're alright, but I keep my attention on my babies, pulled into my lap now. Held close. My Beloved talks to him. I try to ask one of my babies if he's ok, but can't hear his answer over the screaming in my other ear. I ask her... same problem.

"Stop crying," I say. "Stop." How can I expect my littles to grow up in a second? To know how to react? To possess self control better than many adults? Better than myself? "I need you to stop crying and look at me. It's very important. Stop." I say again, speaking firmly over their cries.

They are both looking at me. Tears in their eyes and running down their faces. I look at Sweet Pea, "Are you hurt or are you scared?" I ask pointedly, looking directly into her eyes. "Scared." She whimpers. My attention is turned to Tornado, "Are you hurt or are you scared?" "Scared." He answers as well. I hold them close, comforting them and rocking them. I am so grateful for all the training that allows for them to listen to mommy when it really matters. To put panic aside and obey.

The other driver tries to ask if we're ok. I can't look at him. I'm not ready. I hold them closer. My Beloved talks to him. Exchanging information. Making sure they are ok too.


We venture out together. Excited to see what happened to the car. With a little hand in each of mine, we walk around the car to see tire flat. Door broken. I catch a breath in my chest. Hold tears deep. My baby girl was right on the other side of that depression. I turn quickly, lowering to look at her again. Touching. Feeling. Squeezing. Asking, "Does this hurt?" "Do you hurt anywhere?" I can't believe it. Looking down through the window, there is no space between door and seat. Sobs threaten to force their way out. I hold them back for their sakes. Then a voice from behind.

A sweet sister, C, from church is talking to us. Are we ok? Do we want to come sit in their van? We are grateful they saw us. That they stopped. I walk over with the kids. Four young boys are waiting to entertain. To play. To distract. I am grateful for a warm place for my littles to hide from everything that just happened.

Back at the car another brother, D, Daddy to 3 girls in his car, stands beside ours. Are we ok? Can he do anything to help? Do we need a cell phone? Should he take pictures?

Pictures. Yes. We need those and forgot both cell phones. But wait. The camera. We do have the camera. I thank him and run around to the open door for it. Pressing it into My Beloved's hands. He takes the pictures.




EMS arrives. The police. I go through the motions. Am I hurt? Who was driving? Where are the children? My Beloved takes care of everything that matters. I wander in circles, staying close to the car where Little Man is still in his car seat. The EMT comes to check on him. I tell her I'm only worried because he's not crying. In reality, I'm grateful.




Another voice. Another sister, J, driving by from church with her boys. Can she take us home? D is offering his car for My Beloved. He'd get a ride home.

Pastor.

My Beloved's boss.

All were among the handfuls that remained at church when we left more than a few moments before.

Pastor carries the infant seat, Little Man inside, across the highway to J's van. I turn to get the kids myself. Sweet Pea is upset again. Nervous that Little Man is being taken away. Everyone is fine. We load up in a van with friends. More boys. Little Man is crying now. Hungry.


My Beloved removes valuables from the car. Gets a few more pictures. The kids excitedly watch the tow truck. The driver becomes a hero.

Sweet Pea is upset because her door is broken. She will cry about this several more times over the next few days.

All things considered, we are fine. Sore necks, especially My Beloved. The kids are shaken, but not hurt at all. The kids talk about the white car. Wonder why it wanted to break Sweet Pea's door.

We return home to lunch. To naps. To a deep breath.

God is our protector!

The rest of the week My Beloved battled insurance... still battles insurance. A new car to drive every day. God is our provider as well! Finally a rental. New car seats. I am grateful!



More of my first 1000 gifts:


79. warm November days

80. side impact bars

81. children uninjured

82. church family when ours is so far away

83. roll playing

84. spare cars from friends

85. fun rentals

86. no need to fear

87. knowing He's our provider

88. a husband who does all the hard stuff

89. new car seats

90. bringing so many along our path

91. protection

92. mercy

93. grace

Labels: As it happens..., Gratitude

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 8:11 AM 2 Comments