Meal Planning when you just don't want to

Our families must eat... like it or not.  And, like it or not, it's our responsibility to feed them. 

Last week I promised a little more than the practically ready to eat method of serving dinner to your family.  I really did intend to do so, but as often happens in our lives, things don't go as smoothly as planned.  :)  That's what we're talking about right?  Life that isn't going as smoothly as planned.  So what do we do?  We improvise. 

Instead of giving you my example of menus you could follow, I'm going to share a few resources from out on the web.  I hope they are helpful to you in getting your family fed.

• Hillbilly Housewife shares some "how tos" on menu planning and gives a few examples.
• Menus for Moms subscription for busy moms could be helpful!
• Simple Mom shares some tips and a month of meal plans!
• Another menu help subscription based on where you shop or other special needs from E-mealz.
• Some blank planning templates for you to print from Donna Young.

And don't miss this:  Every Monday hundred(s) of bloggers share their weekly menu at Menu Plan Monday!

Then of course there are my old sample menus as a mom of toddlers!  Feel free to download and use them... or just grab ideas and make your own!

Really though, it comes down to having a plan you can lean on in the trying times... or everyday.  Whatever the case may be!   

Since I'm soooo uninspired today, can any of you share what you do when you just don't feel like you can make dinner?  I'd love to see your ideas!

Labels: Depression, In the Kitchen

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 2:59 PM 0 Comments

The next step

Friday we cleared off that kitchen table (or wherever you take your meals) and got started on washing those dishes.  How'd you do?  Did you keep up with it over the weekend?  You are the only one who can do this.  Let me tell you, after we got the kids in bed for nap time yesterday afternoon, I was looking forward to bringing out my sewing machine and working on a project.  I was so excited to get started that I fully intended to leave the breakfast/lunch dishes in the sink for later.  Then I reminded myself that choosing a "something fun" over my responsibility to keep up this home was a selfish choice (after all, My Beloved would have to look at that mess all afternoon too!... and who knows how badly it would set back dinner) and that I needed to just "do it enyway".

So I did.  At least, I decided, I could rinse and organize them.  But as I finished that part up, I decided it's not all that much more to just get them washed and I'd be so much happier if I did.  And I was right.  I didn't want to be washing those dishes instead of working on my quilt, but as I was washing up the last few things, I felt so good.  I'd done right.  If you do well, will you not be accepted?

Yes!


So this morning... did you wake up to clean dishes and cleared table???  I do hope so!  And I hope that, no matter how hard it was to make yourself do it (I know that sometimes it can be the hardest thing there is!), you felt that sense of accomplishment at what you'd done.  You took care of your home... fulfilling your God given role!  (If not?  Every morning is new!  Don't beat yourself up... get going!)

Now, don't stop there!  There is much more to breaking out of depression and keeping your home and caring for your family than just dishes.  We're just taking these things one step at a time.  You can do this!  But trying to do it all at once probably won't work for you.  You'll just give up and end up back in bed focusing on your failure.  Don't do it!

So where do we go from here???  There is no particular order all this should be done in.  I'm just picking the next logical one for me.  The way I see it, now that your dishes are done and your table is cleared, the next priority is to feed your family!

Don't forget, these steps I'm walking you through are assuming you're starting all over.  Maybe you've been sick so long you don't know how to begin again.  Perhaps you've been depressed and unable to cope.  Maybe others have been helping out since the birth of your last baby and you are feeling the need to get back on track yourself but don't know how.  Whatever the reason, you've decided (or I've told you) that it's time to "stop being lazy, get up, and do your job!"  (Again... I'm talkin' to myself here!)

How many nights have I failed to have a dinner ready for my family.  And justifiable or not, it always leaves me feeling miserable.  I turn into a grumpy mommy, a downcast wife.  Instead of being able to greet my sweet husband at the door with a smile and a kiss, I am laden with guilt, knowing I've let him down again.  I haven't done my job!

So let's do our job!

The most important part about this is to have a plan of some kind.  Your plan with look different than mine, I guarantee!  And, hopefully, your plan will grow as this "keeper at home" thing gets easier for you.  For now, let's start as easy as possible.  Again, this will look different for each of you... it all depends where you're starting out.

For those of you who've been reading here a while, you may know that we aim to eat a pretty healthy diet... cooking from scratch as much as possible (this is certainly the reason we end up eating out as much as we do... I fail regularly and don't have a back up plan!)  I must warn you that what I'm about to propose is nothing like that.  What I'm about to sit here and tell you may leave some of you confused about what we do in our home.  I'm not telling you what is right for us.  The purpose of these posts is to help you get up and get going.  I want to start where you may be.  Take these tips and adjust them to fit where you are.

Now that I've said that... let's get started!

Let's assume your normal is no plan at 5pm.  Been there!  And let's assume that you're either too depressed to think long on any one topic or that you have so many young children than you're too distracted to think long on any one topic.  Either way, it's near impossible to come up with a plan... all. day. long.  Been there too!  I'll also assume that the answer found is either to pick up fast food or to let each man, woman and child fend for themselves.

My recommendation?  This is not the time to try getting impressive meals on the table.  It's so tempting to go from never have dinner ready to wanting to surprise our husbands with his favorite... or something really nice.

Just get something on the table!  But you must plan ahead.  Here is a very simple "getting started" menu plan:

• Monday:  Frozen pizza, bag of premixed salad greens with dressing
• Tuesday:  Hotdogs and Baked Beans (start with a can of Baked Beans, cut up hot dogs and warm together in a pan.  Serve in a bowl.  Easy.
• Wednesday: Chicken Strips with Shake and Bake, ketchup or Ranch Dressing for dip, mac n cheese, celery sticks
• Thursday:  Cheese burgers (buy the pre-made burgers in the frozen foods section for extra ease!) and frozen steak or crinkle fries
• Friday: Velveeta Zesty BBQ Chicken (or other flavor), apple wedges
• Saturday: Tacos (ground beef/turkey, taco seasoning packet, lettuce, tomato, cheese, etc.), refried beans
• Sunday:  Hamburger Helper (check link for coupon!), baby carrots, applesauce

Again, remember... we are all starting at different places.  Some of you have never used any of these products before and others already have some of them in your pantry.  Some of you were used to a less processed approach to meals before things started to unravel at home... this is just a place to start.  Not every week will look like this for you.  Maybe you'll use only a few of these to give you a couple days to come up with something more.  Perhaps you'll need to repeat this menu for a whole month.

Perhaps you're ready for a little bit more than this, but not much.  Do your own thing!   Here are a couple more ideas... 5 dinners in a bag, Betty Crocker Recipe finder.

Later this week I'll try to share a less processed "getting started" menu for you.

In the mean time... keep those dishes done.  And don't let "failure" keep you from starting again!


Participating with Meal Plan Monday!

Labels: Depression, In the Kitchen, Keeping My Home

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 4:29 PM 0 Comments

Part 3... in which I am harsh

This is where I'd like to blend this "part 2" post about depression with my Suzy meets Proverbs 31 post.  And why?  Because the message is the same.

Stop being lazy, get up, and do your job!

Harsh?  Maybe.  But it's as much to myself as it is to you.

Why are our houses, children and lives a mess?  Because we're not doing our jobs.

Have you ever thought about what life would be like if our husbands did their work the way we do ours?  They'd surely be fired and we'd be without income, food, and possibly even home.  Imagine.

If you were back out in the work force, chances are your employer wouldn't care that your kids are sick (or you for that matter), the work still needs to be done.  We are so blessed to be working for our husbands, but how often do we take their love and patience with us for granted?  Too often.

Your home, your children, all the meals, etc... those are your job.  And the only way to feel the satisfaction in your work is for you to do them.  If you do well, will you not be accepted?

Leaving these undone, or even leaving them for someone else to do will eventually lead to depression... if not marital problems!  And this just compounds itself with each new day of laziness.

Now, don't let this put you further into depression and despair.  It would be easy to do, I know.  I've pointed out failure.  You feel it (I often do).  And it's all your fault.  These things may be true, but the answer is not to let it go on.  The answer is to do something about it.  But you certainly will not be able to do something about it on your own.  You must first seek Him!  Worship.  Find a piece of paper or your journal and make a list of everything you have to be thankful for.

Now, with the little bit of energy that gives you, get up!  Make that bed, fold up the blanket on the couch.  Fluff pillows.  And don't sit back down.  Push through.  Recite that list of thankful things if you need to.  Ask God for every step you must take... literally!

Then start small.  Go clear off the kitchen table.  Move all those dishes from the last couple days to the sink (or counter around it if it's full).  It seems like a big job, but just moving dishes isn't so bad.  You can do it. Find a clean wash cloth and get it wet.  Wipe off that cleared table.  Get it cleared all the way!  Is there clutter piled up there too???  I love this method of clearing a space!!!  (Her methods of cleaning are great in general!... I'll be reading over them again myself.)

Now you have a cleared table.  Just look at it.  Let the absence of visual clutter energize you a little bit.  Don't give up.  It's so easy to sit back down and read another blog post now, but it will trap you again.  Move to that kitchen sink.  You don't have to wash them right now.  Tell yourself that.  You're just going to organize them for later.  Rinse them and sort into piles on the counter.  I find that once dishes are all organized, they never look as bad as they did.  Do you have a dishwasher???  Put them right in there instead of stacking on the counter.  Then the job is done!  Fill it once and stack the rest, but empty that sink!

Now... you don't have to do this next part right away (but sometimes I find that I can just use the momentum I've already created and go for it), but start with some of the dishes.  Don't fill the sink with soapy water if that's seems too big a job.  Just put some soap on the brush or cloth and tackle one stack of bowls or plates or flatware.  Just one.  Move them to the other side of the sink.  When that stack is done, rinse and set in the dish drainer.  Can you do just one more stack?  A few cups?  That one pan?  Just keep doing them as long as you can.   Anything you can do will be better!  And then look at all you've accomplished.  YOU accomplished.  YOU did it!  YOURSELF!  Thank God for the ability to do something today.  This was your first step!

But what if kids are all over the place and you can't stop to do so much?  Wait till nap time, set up something for them to color on that newly cleared table, or ask that person (grandma, friend, husband, etc.) who has been helping you because you just couldn't do it alone if they will play with the kids for a while so you can tackle this job.  Don't let them do the job for you... you have to do the cleaning.  It's important that it be your work that brings order.

Keep picking at those dishes until they are gone.  If you stop to rest because you just can't do more now, set a timer and rest for 15 minutes.  Read a book to the kids, watch them perform tricks on the floor, close your eyes, read your Bible or another book, or work on that list of thankful things.  Include on that list that you cleared the table!!!  That you pushed through and did your job!  How exciting!!!

Monday I intend to have a next step for you if you still struggle to know how to break through this depression to conquer your home.  If it's all just too overwhelming!

But what will I do all weekend?  It's just going to fall apart again!

No, it won't.  Your job over the weekend is to keep picking at those dishes and to keep up with them.  Don't let meals get you down, or laundry, or messes other places.  Spend your time in the kitchen if you need to.  Just work on keeping up with what you've started.  Do those dishes right after meals!  Now that the room is in some bit of order, include the kids in clearing the table.  Even a 2 year old can clear their own cup to the sink or counter.  Make it your goal to start Monday morning with all the dishes washed.

And I wonder what else you may be able to tackle once all those dishes are clean and put away.  Perhaps you'll be surprised by the energy to wipe down the counter, or the stove.  Or to declutter the counter top the way you did the table.  But you don't have to... this weekend, just keep those dishes clean and that table cleared between meals and use.  It's not that much... and if you fall behind, start again the way you did today.  You can do it!!

I'm praying for you!!!!


Part 4: The Next Step

Labels: Depression, Keeping My Home, Suzy meets P31

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 7:16 AM 0 Comments

If you do what is right...

Are you seeking Him?  Have you fought to make worship your saving grace?

I know it's not easy.  When we fall down deep, getting up and getting out is the last thing on our minds.  Self pity and despair are our first responses.  But they do no good.  In fact, they only make us feel worse.  Focusing on ourselves will only ever make life worse.


But for today, I'm going to assume you've done it.  You sought Him and found Him... just as He promised you would!

This doesn't mean depression is behind you.  Sorry.  Seeking Him is the way through it... something you do everyday--every minute--to get through.

No... often our depression has it's roots somewhere else.  And, sorry to say, often those roots start with us.  When Cain was downcast, God asked him a very pointed question... “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?  If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?"

From time to time I must ask myself this question..."Why are you downcast (or depressed)?  If you do well, will you not be accepted?"

You see, when we are doing what we shouldn't, or, as is more often the case for me, not doing what I should be, we set ourselves in a downward spiral.  A little example from my personal life:

I neglect my homemaking responsibilities because I'm "tired" or some such other reason.  Clutter and dishes begin to pile up.  I've been learning what visual clutter does to our moods... it's not good!

Cleaning is hard enough without working around the clutter, so I don't do it... because I'm "tired".  (Have you ever noticed how being tired can be more about our emotions than our physical need?)  Now I'm such a failure, I may as well not try.  Dinners are too hard to plan.  And it takes too much energy to make them anyway.  Energy that is lost just by sitting in a messy house.

I'm failing.  Letting my husband down.  Doing him evil, instead of good.  Surrounded by chaos.  And just can't make myself get up.  Next thing I know I'm struggling with depression.  It wasn't an overnight thing.  It came on slowly with the making of little decisions.  The decision to not do what I was supposed to do in the first place.  And it just keeps getting worse, like a lie spinning it's web!

Why am I depressed?  If I do what is right, will I not be accepted?  Will my heart not be filled with joy and accomplishment? 

This is where I'd like to blend this "part 2" post about depression with my Suzy meets Proverbs 31 post.  And why?  Because the message is the same.

But not today... today just chew on what I've already said.  I'll be back tomorrow with the next step to getting out of this depression!

Labels: Depression

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 11:11 AM 0 Comments

Motherhood is hard!

When we bear it alone, sometimes it all gets to be too much.

Let's back up a little bit first... life is hard!  Relationships are hard!  Marriage is hard work... to have a good one, otherwise it's just hard!  Homemaking is hard work!  Mothering, on top of it all, is hard work!

And let's not forget to add to this the swishy swashy hormones that seem to constantly batter us up one side and down the other.  Regular hormone fluctuation, pregnancy hormones, postpartum hormones.  Then there is the constantly disrupted sleep of life with littles (or bigs).  The dreariness of winter.  And if you have a medical problem of some kind on top of it all.  Forget about it!  It's hard!

Sometimes it's just too hard.  And if you've got unsupportive friends and family (or even husband) around telling you what a bad job you're doing, you may just be ready to give up.  And many have.  Many women give up in self indulgence, in abandonment, in depression, or even in suicide.

But you see, whether you asked to be in the position you're in or not (house you live in, medical condition, number of children, etc), you are in it.  God, in his infinite wisdom, has placed you right where you are.  It's your job.  Your responsibility.  And it's going to be work... hard work!

Am I trying to make you feel worse?  No.  Because there is good news in all this...

God's grace is sufficient!  For His power is made perfect in your weakness! (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

So often we hear people say that God will not give us more than we can handle.  But perhaps that isn't a true statement.  Perhaps what we need to hear and remember is that God won't ever give us more than He can handle!  For those of us who know and trust Him, He has said that He will never leave us or forsake us! (Hebrews 13:5)

Do you know Him today?  Have you trusted Christ for your forgiveness and salvation?  Then you are not alone.  You can do this through His strength!  He promised a Helper.

But first, we need to seek His help.  We need to remember that we cannot, were never intended to, do this on our own. 

Are you struggling sister?  Are you buried in depression?  Hopelessness?  Being beaten down by those around you... by your own thoughts?

Today I am going to give you the first step. 

Seek Him!

Don't fret over the laundry list of failures, the insults, the overwhelming responsibilities.

Seek Him!

Whether you are curled up on the couch ignoring responsibilities (or at the computer as I often find myself), or just going through the motions of wiping one more nose, or hiding in your bed unable to make yourself move... wherever you are, whatever your ability today...

Seek Him!

No one can do this for you.  No one can pull you out of this pit you are in.  Not councilors, not friends, not your husband.  No one can help you until you decide to help yourself.

Where do you start?  Pray.  Start small if you have to.  Talk to Him.  Tell Him your heart, your hurts, your insecurities.

Still don't know?  Begin in worship. 

Prayer isn't coming?  Open your Bible.  Genesis 1 is a great place to remember just Who He Is!  If He can do all that, what can't He do?  Or maybe the Psalms.  David struggled more than once... but he didn't stay in it.  He brought it to God and many Psalms are the result of that time of intimacy with God.

And keep seeking Him.  Every moment you feel the darkness coming on, open your heart to Him.  Pray.  Pray.  And keep praying.  Can't sleep?  Pray.  

Again, no one can make you do this... but you have to start here.  The only alternative is to remain forever where you are.  Seek Him!  You're going to need it before I tell you about step 2!


Other posts in this series:
Part 2 ~ If you do what is right
Part 3 ~ In Which I am Harsh
Part 4 ~ The Next Step

Labels: Depression, Home Making, Life Lessons for Mommy, Mommy's Tool Box

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 3:36 PM 1 Comments

When you're down with the "D"s

Those dreadful "D"s. I hadn't even thought about it until Little Mommy left her comment yesterday, but most of those words that describe how we're doing when we're not doing so great... they do start with "D".

Words like discouraged, depressed, despair, downcast, downtrodden, defeated, disheartened.

Then there are a whole heap of words that don't start with "D" that are similar. And some days we just feel them don't we? Many days for some of us?

Add little sleep, lots of children, and hormones and we're lucky to have a day that is free and clear of those down feelings!

I hate to admit that I used to doubt what depression really was. I didn't understand why and how people struggled with it. I'm ashamed now to say that I wished they'd just snap out of it... do something about it. Don't just sit there and wallow in it.

Now that I've been on the other side... I totally understand. I am so grateful for the opportunity to experience it for myself. (Does that sound strange to anyone else???) Because I can now understand that feeling of wanting to climb back under the covers and shrink away from the world and everything in it. I can understand preferring to just cry than to deal with the weight of everything pressing in around me.

I get it.

Finally.


But here's the trick... as believers we do have a way out. It's hard. Believe me, I know. And we don't want to do it. I don't understand why, exactly. But we don't. Somehow we'd rather wallow in our self-pity.

But let me tell you... it gets old. And we're trapped. Unable to get out from under that cloud alone.

So what do we do? How can we make it stop?

It's not easy... but it is simple. Worship.

Start small. Stop if you can. Sit with pen and paper, journal, something. Can't stop? Speak it outloud. Whisper if that's all you can muster.

You are God.

Keep it up!

You made the heavens and the earth.

You are mighty, strong, everlasting!

"I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made!"

Say thank you!
Thank you for sky, clouds, rain.

Spring time, late snow, blowing leaves.

Thank you for babies. Crying. Tiny spoons. Food on the floor. Diapers. Laundry. Leaks.

Thank you for children. Messes. Cuddling. Lunchtime together. Help with the chores. Conversations.

Thank you for strength. Health. Hands.

Plead. Admit. Confess. Sometimes I think we forget that admitting our weakness in light of His strength can be a form of worship. It all depends on our hearts before Him!

God I can't do this without you.

Please help me.

I need you.

Help me to breath.

*Sob* *Sob* *Sob* (Wouldn't He rather we do it to Him, bring it to Him, than to fall apart alone... without admitting our need?)

Sing.

Our God is an awesome God!

I worship you almighty God!

Lord I lift your name on high!

Listen. Can't sing yet... don't have it in you? Turn on some of your favorite worship music. My sweet husband often does this for me before he leaves for work on the days he notices I'm lower than usual. Amazing how hearing someone else worship can be so helpful to encourage our hearts!


Sometimes we just can't get out for ourselves. There is a very important thing you must do on the days you just can't get started with any of these things. Tell someone. Share your heart with your husband, sister, friend... someone, anyone who can act as encourager for you. Someone in the same house is so helpful... someone to turn on the music, open in prayer... pray for you. Hold you tight.

It wasn't until I'd shared my struggles with my husband Sunday that I started to see that my sad lot in life wasn't all that sad after all. From there... worship, communion with my God... hope!

This is what works for me.

What do you do when you find yourself struggling with the "D"s???

Linking to...

Labels: Depression, Gratitude, Life Lessons for Mommy

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 9:03 AM 1 Comments

8 Months... is all well???

This past Wednesday my baby turned 8 months old. I can hardly believe it!

Truly.

And this meant, as it always does, that it was time to bring out the scale. I pulled it out, stripped him down, and hoped and prayed that he'd gained some weight... that, at the very least, he'd remained within the same percentage on the growth chart this month.

I know that not every baby does... that the scale doesn't know everything.

Still I check.

I can't help it. I have to.

3 ounces.

In one month.

Three. Ounces.


While we were at My Beloved's office Wednesday afternoon, we poked our heads in to say "hi" to the doctor on staff and asked if he had a minute. Moments later I was sitting in one of the chairs telling the story. He asked a couple questions, measured him and sent me home to email all the numbers over when I had them.

Next evening, we had plans to have him and his wife over for dinner and games. They came, we ate, kids got put down... game time. Little Man was up and eating while we set up the game, but before we got started, he brought out our file. He'd done some looking around and number crunching and was worried about his weight gain... or lack of, I should say. He wondered about developmental milestones. Was Little Man meeting them according to schedule? If he was... he won't be so worried at all.

I worked through the list he gave me, marking it up. Trying to decided whether he does some of those things or not. Finally we tucked it away for "keeping an eye out for them" the next few days.

We still played the game, but I don't remember much else the rest of the night other than watching for those developmental milestones and looking (and re-looking) over that list, trying to remember what he does and doesn't do.

Suffice it to say I was worrying. And my heart was heavy. The weight mounted and really didn't go away the next day either. And I know... I just know that the enemy used this (as well as some other little things) to mount an attack on my heart.

And I let him. I didn't fight back. I sunk. Deeper and deeper. I won't use the term "depressed" because I believe it to be over used and abused in our society, but I was certainly downcast. Defeated. Lonely. Hopeless.

And my tools... thanksgiving, worship, praise, prayer, Scripture... they lay unused. It was a long couple days... a long weekend.

Praise God for being ever by my side, even when I pay no attention. Praise God for grace!


Where do I stand today? So much better. My spirit is up... clinging to grace. To God. My lack of motivation has been put aside... by grace.

Still I don't know the whole story on Little Man. It may be a little while before we do. Time to watch and see. We've stepped up solids and are paying more attention to those milestones (not that I wasn't before).

What a fun thing to see Little man pull up to standing for the first time yesterday... and then again today. He can't sit more than a minute or so (and can't get to a sitting position without us) before crashing backward uncontrollably, but he pulled himself up to standing... before crashing backward uncontrollably.

Perhaps I should be spotting him instead of taking pictures the next time. :)


Linking to...

Labels: As it happens..., Depression, Little Moments, Raising Children

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 2:42 PM 3 Comments

Overwhelmed

The feelings came on strong again, heavy on my chest. I looked around my house and I saw all that was undone. The kitchen a mess. The table the same. Remnants of laundry folded in piles on the couch. Nearby three bushels of apples in heaps around the kitchen. Canning equipment and supplies everywhere. My desk buried. Toys and paper airplanes strewn about. The baby still crying.

In a word... overwhelmed.

My heart is laden with guilt. My attitude in desperate need of a re-boot. I am often amazed at how a single failure on my part can rob me of patience, love and grace for everyone else.

Thing were running smoothly, despite the mess which seemed to be taking over. My Beloved was home early and I had jump started the applesauce canning of the day. Now I'd get dinner thrown in the oven so we could eat a nutritious balanced meal (for once) before he had to leave for class.

Then it occurred to me that I hadn't precooked the green beans for the casserole. A seemingly trivial thing, but our time frame and the state of the pan I needed for that task removed all hope from me like a town ravaged by fire.

Failure.

I'd failed.

Again.

And there was nothing I could do to fix it. Suddenly I had no patience for Tornado. His questions. His loud playing, talking, singing. Playing where he shouldn't be. I snapped at him. I felt worse. Things kept getting worse.

Over the next hour my despair seemed to deepen and my patience thinned more and more. I knew my heart was wrong, but how is a mother of three in the middle of several things with time constraints supposed to get away and get right? Instead the mess and noise and list of all left undone crowded in on me. I could feel despondency and anger welling up to take the place of my drowning.

Then my mind drove in fast forward as I began to look around at all I would need to do... should do... before getting to those things I had wanted to tackle tonight. Never ending.

Overwhelmed.

Still, as I looked around I saw only clutter, mess. Hopelessness. Without warning and in the space of very little time, I was back. In the middle of the previous week. A bad place to be. One I'd hoped was gone, a passing phase. But here it was again. Failure. Hopelessness. Depression.

A suppression so strong I could do little more than look around and grow more weary, more hopeless. Overwhelmed. A laundry list of all I wouldn't have time for formed in my head.

But, in fact, reality was much different. The kitchen table was covered because jars of home canned applesauce sat there. Evidence of productivity throughout the week. The kitchen has been worse, much worse. Toys cluttered the house as evidence of the wonderful little lives that left them there.

I was the only one to think I'd failed.

My family ate a meal together. Leftovers, but a meal. Twenty minutes of hard work would have this place looking pretty good. Another thirty would give time for a shower and some freshening up.

This weight forcing me downward, nothing but lies from the evil one. The enemy. Yet I fall for it. It occurs to me that I'm under attack for my recent determination to grow in gratitude. How can I exude gratefulness when my heart is consumed with failure. Hopelessness. Me. Gratitude is, after all, only worship. Pure worship.

Now there I was. Again. Under fresh attack. Pressed onto the couch, chest heavy. Doing nothing to climb out. Another hour gone, wasted.

So thank you God. Thank you for You. Thank you for grace. Thank you for worship. In simply lifting my eyes in worship to you, I am set free. Free from hopelessness. Free from the weight that presses upon me from every counter top. Free from myself. Thank you for this home. For the walls that surround me. For enough clothes to sit in piles. For apples. For applesauce. Thank you for your calling on my life. That you ask me first and foremost to love you. Thank you for loving me first. Thank you again for grace.

Slowly. Slowly I feel strength enough to smile. Then to stand.

A timer set. 20 minutes. Thank you for order. Lines of jars. Room for children to eat breakfast in the morning. Thank you for shelves. Toys away. Thank you for progress. That you see my heart, not my clutter.

Thirty minutes. A shower. A heart full of worship. Gratitude.




More, poring from my heart over the last couple weeks...

19. Cuddles with my girl

20. Piles of apples

21. a full refrigerator

22. left-overs for lunch

23. sleeping through the night

24. a servant husband

25. waking to a clean kitchen

26. cuddles with my boy

27. being pleasantly surprised by a new recipe

28. grace from my sweet husband

29. a clingy girl

30. patterns with the kids

31. productive mornings

32. laundry helpers

33. a plan for dinner

34. a husband willing to serve me when it would be easier not to

35. toast for breakfast

36. dishes put away the night before

37. kids who slept longer than expected

38. beautiful leaves

39. a sweet daddy with his boy

40. a surprise lunch out

41. grace in my failures

42. dinner around an outside fire

43. help with the dishes

44. an evening freed up last minute

45. a year worth of applesauce put up

46. a dinner out

47. almost out of apples

48. extra sleep

49. elderberry syrup

50. feeling better

51. family time

52. playing together at the park

53. new friends

54. projects done

55. space reclaimed

56. working with my husband

57. God's protection

58. spotting deer

59. helping friends



What are you thankful for today?

Labels: Depression, Gratitude, Life Lessons for Mommy

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 3:39 PM 3 Comments

It's Not of God... but what to do?

These last couple weeks have indeed been crazy... I know I've mentioned that already. In addition to the "circumstances" I've found myself in, I've been struggling off and on with some other things. I thought I'd share some from my journal last week (I keep one up when there are things pressing on my heart). The journal entry started purely as laying my heart on paper, but I quickly realized I would want to share them with you. I thought it would be fitting for Works for Me Wednesday.

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It’s been a really long time since I’ve felt this way and, as usual, I don’t know what started it. I’ve felt *off* all day, give or take an hour or two here or there. Call it sad, out of sorts, depressed, despair. I don’t know what it is or what started it, but I do know it is not of God!

My heart aches for those people who feel like this all the time. Experiencing this feeling from time to time as I have in my life really opens my eyes to what life must be like for others… others who live each day depressed.

How do you get out of something when you can’t pinpoint a cause? Without a cause, there is nothing to fix. How do you cheer up when you don’t know how?

I’ve counseled people who found themselves in the midst of depression, but I’ve never really viewed their situation from their shoes before. As I sat down to dinner tonight with my precious family, I realized why some people must choose to end their lives. I can’t imagine living every minute of every day of my life feeling this way. (I am in no way thinking of or even wanting to hurt myself, or end my life—I’m simply saying I may understand a tiny part of why someone might.) There is no hope in that feeling. And God is not in it! A feeling of depression, or overwhelming sadness that never ends, or an oppressed spirit cannot be of God. These things are tools of the Great Deceiver! Hopelessness only comes from him!

Our God is a God of hope, joy, and love. He brings these things to those who place their trust in Him. Galatians 5:22-23 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control; against which there is no law.” As believers, we receive these in our lives and as we grow in Him, they are evidenced in our lives as they too grow in us. As believers we can claim these, hold this promise close to our hearts and hold steadfast against the devil when he comes to deceive us.

I said that depression is not of God, but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t use it for His glory. Romans 8:28-29 says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.”

What use does depression have? Why would God use it? And how can it possibly work together for good? First of all, God can use anything He wants. More specifically though, I find that God uses times of depression in my life to bring me to Him.

Don’t misunderstand. I believe Satan is at the root of depression (I’ll touch more on this and some more specific causes later.) But I also believe God allows it, and uses it, to bring us to His feet again!

No matter how we feel, we are still responsible for our actions and the most important thing we can do is also the most beneficial. I always find that the Lord lifts my spirit as I spend time with Him. Even now as I sit here, though my circumstances have not changed—my to-do list is still long, my home is out of order, my schedule is overwhelming, and my body is still tired (have I mentioned I have a newborn and a home business and a toddler?)—my spirit has been lifted and a quiet sense of peace and joy has come over me.

Will it always be easy? Will the feelings of despair and hopelessness stay away? Maybe not. Perhaps I will fall back into depression tomorrow, or later today, or sometimes next week. The trick isn’t a trick at all. Each and every time Satan stands before you, weaving his web of deception, run to the feet of Jesus! It works for me!

To be continued…

Labels: Depression, Reflections

posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 1:34 PM 4 Comments