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Chasing Babies... Growing in Grace

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Loved... and why I'm content to wait this baby out

I am so loved.  And so in love!

I've debated posting on this topic in the last few days because each time I start, my heart is so full... my feelings so personal... I just don't want to share it. 

Even now, having decided to just do it, I keep changing what I'm willing to type.  Keeping what is so precious to myself. 

Suffice it to say, such special days and nights with My Beloved leave me not quite ready for this little one (due tomorrow) to come yet.  I'm not ready to give up the evenings of game playing, long talks, just sitting together. 

And when he comes home from a late night grocery run with these... I know he feels the same way.

That just makes my heart smile.



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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 1:50 PM 0 Comments

Monday, September 5, 2011

A test of faith

Don't miss the background story.


June was a rough month for our family... for me.  Lyme's Disease had knocked me off my feet in the early days and had kept me there throughout.   My mother in law was here with us in those early days, then my mom was here.  They played with the kids and kept up with the house while I lay around, for nearly four weeks!.  This was the last thing I'd expected at the end of the month.

I knew right away, but it was a few days before I shared my inklings with My Beloved.  Deep down I was hoping it wasn't really true.  That with a couple more days I wouldn't have to tell him.  But deep down I knew better.  I was pregnant.  

My mom was here still, but we didn't say anything.  To anyone.  Not even each other.  It wasn't real yet if we didn't talk about it.  And maybe... maybe it wasn't real.  Maybe my antibiotics or the Lyme's Disease were causing this false alarm.  Maybe.  But we still knew better.

It was three weeks before we bought and took a test.  It came up from time to time in those days, but only briefly.  We told no one.  Still I kept thinking that until I saw that word, I could be wrong.  And I really didn't want to make that kind of announcement and be wrong.  So we waited.  And then there it was.  Clear as anything.

It was real.  I breathed a deep sigh and went back to bed.  It was real now.  We didn't say anything in church that morning.

Deep within me I struggled.  I did want more children, but not now.  Not yet.  My baby isn't yet one.  I'm still nursing.  I'm having a hard enough time with the three I have now.

Slowly over the next few weeks we told more and more people... close friends, parents, and eventually our pastor, church and email list at large.  Then you.   

But nothing really changed for me in this time... except that my "morning" sickness was getting worse and worse everyday.  I knew I wanted this baby, but at the same time, I struggled with feeling like I didn't want this baby... not right now.  To be honest with you, there were many times and many days in those weeks (month+) that I didn't want the ones I already had.  I watched my sister in law change a diaper while we were in Michigan and I horribly thought of how I didn't want to care for an infant again.  I struggled through discouragement, depression to some extent, and moments of despair.  The tiniest part of me was thrilled to get to have another little one.  The rest of me was (and sometimes still is) terrified.

How could I feel this way?  How could I hope it wasn't true?  How can I be, dare I say it, embarrassed?  Do I not think this should be God's decision?  Do I not believe that He is sovereign and trustworthy?  Do I not believe that children are a blessing of the Lord?

I smiled and accepted the congratulations as we shared our news with each new person, but inside I was cringing.  How would I do this?  I can't even handle the three I have.  How can I insert a newborn, and the schedule and sleep depravity it ensues, into this. 

Several ladies received our news without the thin veil that usually held back my tears.  But then I only felt ashamed at my lack of faith.  Is my God not still God of the universe?  Is He not the one who gives the grace for every moment?  Do I not trust Him with the details of my life?

I was shocked to find that, for all my talk, I didn't.



Still to come... Where I'm at now and how I got there.


(Photos:  In lieu of pics that matched my post, these are a few that make me smile.)

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 8:49 PM 3 Comments

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Lots of Time

That's right... lots of time, just not lots of energy. I spend lots of time on the edge of stir crazy. A couple evenings (the ones following good long afternoon naps) I actually had the energy to be moving around gabbering and trying to figure out what to do. All this knowing I didn't really have the energy to actually do anything I might come up with.

Recent days, however, have had me up and around more, helping with this or that, or reading with the kids, or off to buy fireworks for an early Father's Day. These days don't include naps, at least not long ones, and my evenings are tired. Though not enough to sleep.

Occasionally I find something to read or re-read. Otherwise, it's time for thinking... and praying.

In the midst of my high fevers, as I lay awake all hours... sleepless... I could pray. And I did. I prayed for people. For wisdom. Prayers of worship. Of thanksgiving. It's been one of the several hidden blessings behind this sickness.

Prayer. Oh how I've enjoyed it.

Attached to the prayer has been reflection and thought. Thinking through the coming homeschool year as we embark on "official" kindergarten. Thinking through this has led to both reading and reflection. Oh... and of course more prayer. I've stacked books on my wishlist, (both ones I've read before and some I haven't) begun frequenting the archives of a blog or two, and am rethinking through what it is to live. To be.

What started as a list of what to do with my kindergartner has evolved into how I want to live my day to day life with my children. In general.

And so, with limited energy I press on in this. Thinking. Reflecting. Praying. Grateful for the place He has put me right now... with lots of time.



Choosing gratefulness:
(298-309)

  • Lyme Disease
  • enough energy to think, ponder and pray
  • a mother in law who moved in and took over (taking care of us all)
  • having no idea what is happening in my own kitchen (I can't find anything)
  • my biggest baby on grandma's lap through church
  • cuddling to read chapter books with that same boy
  • a husband working on his own projects
  • a wonderful father for my children!
  • laundry and dishes that do themselves (thanks mom!)
  • a cruiser... cruising around the living room
  • ribbons in curly pig-tails
  • smiles returning to faces because of momma hugs

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 9:04 PM 6 Comments

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Today's meditation...



Heart. Soul. Mind. Strength.




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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 10:05 AM 0 Comments

Monday, May 9, 2011

Being content behind closed doors


Yesterday I mentioned we put an offer on a house. I didn't tell you it came with 4.9 acres, a horse barn, a couple of out buildings, room for chickens and goats and lots of growing space. I didn't tell you that much of it was recently re-done and that we loved the look of the old log build.

This morning we learned that our offer was presented to the bank with another... and they were offering cash. That was the biggest thing we could come against. We would never win against cash. (Though we wish we could offer cash for a house... we just can't yet.) We didn't get it.

Was I disappointed? Yes... and if I let myself think about it, I still am. And I'll be honest, it took a couple hours to work through everything and look (in appearance and action and attitude) on the outside the way I knew I should feel on the inside.

We knew going in that we weren't assured this house. We've been doing all our talking and dreaming about this place knowing that it was all hypothetical. There was always a "if we get it" attached to every idea mentioned... even if it was just in my head. Still, when I heard our realtor's voice on the line today, my heart sank a little... there just wasn't any excitement in it.

But as I began working through the disappointment, I did so by focusing on what we've been given in this and not what we've lost. I began a mental list of all the blessings we've been given behind this closed door.

They're always there... behind each closed door. The blessings!

1. We ask Him to guide us... He did, and we aren't left to wonder about anything.

2. This was going to be tight on us financially... we can now buckle down into more intense saving without the stress of penny to penny living (at least not yet).

3. We probably won't have to cancel our trip to see family in Michigan later this summer (like we were thinking we'd have to do).

4. We'll have air conditioning all summer! We wouldn't have had it at this place.

5. We know something *better* is coming. (Romans 8:28)



The list goes on as I'm continually thinking of "silver linings" to this closed door.

Could I come up with a longer list of reasons to be disappointed and sad? Maybe. But the path to contentment behind closed doors is to focus on what God is giving now... not what he may give later or has chosen not to give.

Focus on Him... what He is giving you now. Joy abounds behind those doors when you do! That works for me!


This week I'll be linking up with...

Raising Homemakers



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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 10:07 PM 10 Comments

Monday, April 18, 2011

Grabbing the ropes again!


I know I'm not the only one. Sometimes we all just need a little re-boot! We rarely (never!) plan on things falling apart. Sure, we may know it's about to happen... we may even have a contingency plan, but we never say, ok... now are going to loose control of everything.

Um... no.

Sometimes, something else is just more important! And there were some of those things last week that just needed to be more important than blogging about how badly I'm keeping my schedule! Suzy had to wait!

Of course, with that lack of focus here, came a lack of focus overall. It was a bit of a stressful week for me. Emotional. Rough. Growing.

But good. We need to reach the bottom to see how far we've come. How low we are.

It's always funny (not haha funny) to me that we can't tell we've let go of the rope until we are free-falling toward the hard rocky ground.

It amazes me how bad things can get inside us before we realize something isn't quite right.

The summer of 2002 I lived in Bolivia... far from the city in a mountain village of Villagrande. I was there as part of a missionary training program for back country/ pioneer missions. I was part missionary that summer, and part trainee. We served, ministered and learned. It was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do.

We (me and two others I'd never met before this trip) took Spanish, immersion style, from a woman who knew no English and couldn't even tell how the Spanish text book was to be used. We served in a church, learned to slaughter chickens, took long weekend trips to more remote villages where bathing was something done in the creek and you walked until to couldn't see people anymore before you "used that bathroom" behind a big rock.

I lived with an elderly couple that knew no English and took my meals with deaf Bolivian girls in the "dorm" across the street". At least there I could communicate as their language is very similar to ASL.

During that summer, I knew I needed a rope to get through... rather, I should say I needed the one who held the rope! And I clung to it.

I knew I wouldn't make it day by day without first having my time with God. I knew going in that I needed to make it a priority. I spent every morning reading God's Word and talking with him. I chose a big chunk of Scripture and worked on committing it to memory. I was holding on tight with both hands. And these times weren't just done to cross off my list... they were part of me... and I them.

And what an awesome summer of growth and communion with my Lord!

But doesn't it always happen this way... that when we return to what we know, we loosen that hold. Maybe only hold on with one hand. Or, worse... let go all together. We can do it ourselves after all!


It occurred to me this past weekend that I've been missing something in this journey through motherhood. I live each day like the rest. I wake up, go about my tasks. Sometimes things go well, sometimes they don't. I struggle to do a good job. I spend weeks at a time "disciplined in my quiet times", only to fail in them for longer between.

It has never occurred to me before now that I'm in the thick, now, of the hardest thing I've ever had to do... and I need to hold on tight with both hands!

Being a godly woman, a submissive and respectful wife and consistent, loving mother are the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And I'm doing them with only one hand on the rope... sometimes letting go altogether.

I truly need God's help to do this thing right... to make it through each day... to raise these children right!



To be continued...




258. A call to come back

259. 6 ounces gained in a week

260. safety through the storm (a literal one!)

261. a husband that makes decisions

262. time to quilt

263. fresh sheets

264. three square meals... finding more things he'll eat

265. the Holy Spirit's work in my life

266. time in God's Word

267. Tornado's growing understanding of the Gospel

268. a special lunch


A little list from the other day...

269. a baby to cry

270. diapers to change

271. a house to tidy

272. dishes to wash

273. an oven to clean

274. children to train

275. food to prepare

276. a family to feed

277. a table to clear

278. a boy to watch... with smiles

279. a smile growing in my heart

280. my sweet encouraging husband!


Also linked to:

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 3:22 PM 0 Comments

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My Strengths... not something I'd put on an application

A touch of spring from our front yard

My sister-in-law said something in an email this morning that caught me off guard:

"I also have been really enjoying your blog, a lot of my weeknesses are your strengths...."

She said a few more things, but since I didn't ask her if I could post it... nor tell her I was going to (surprise!), I'll keep it to myself.


Thanks for your email A... I'm thrilled you are enjoying my blog and that my... ehem... strengths are an encouragement to you.


Just in case others of you don't know about them, I decided to dedicate an entire post to my strengths. Toot my own horn, if you will.

Here they are... in no particular order:

I'm excellent at surfing! I can blog hop with the best of them... wasting hours upon hours in front of my computer.

I'm no slouch at wasting time in general. Coupled with the computer thing... I can dilly dally at just about anything to avoid actually doing what I should be doing.

I'm well practiced at loosing my temper and displaying anger to and directed at my children on a regular basis.

I'm the best complainer in our house... even better than the children I'm pretty sure. But just to be fair... I've had longer to practice.

I tend to have a critical spirit.

I'm lazy! More than happy to take the easy way out. This applies to cooking, cleaning, exercise... you name it!

I'm inconsistent... especially with disciplining my children.

I'm exceptional at letting my emotions and thoughts run away with me.

I'm obsessive! Nope... can't get me to let something go once I've decided to let it bother me.

I'm (ehem) "assertive"... (read: loud, forceful, pushy, obnoxious. You know... opposite of meek and gentle)

I'm selfish! You don't have to watch long (from your hidden perch that is) to see me putting myself before my husband and children. And I do it all the time too.

I'm neglectful of my husbands desires and preferences! I let our house remain cluttered and don't clean it very often even though I know what a blessing it would be for him to live in a clean and tidy home.


Oh golly... I could go on, but I'm feeling a little full of myself.

So let's see... just to balance things out, I'll share what I'm working on too.

All. of. the. above!


Just in case I've lost a few of you. I'm calling these things my "strengths" because they are the ones I'm good at... that I don't even have to think about to do them. Not because they are good things!

Perhaps you've gotten the idea that I'm doing this "Suzy Homemaker meets Proverbs 31" series because I've arrived. Quite the contrary... I'm doing it for me. Not for you. (Ok, I'm sharing it here for you too.) And for the record... I didn't brush my hair today. And maybe not yesterday either. So much for my first challenge!

As far as wife and mother, homemaker, woman, servant, follower, disciple (etc... you get the idea) goes... I'm a giant failure!

This is why I am so grateful for grace!

Without God's grace, I'd be lost in a sea of hopelessness! But because of grace, I am rejoicing! Learning to give thanks in every trial, disappointment, failure. Because when I am weak, He is strong! Thank God for grace... that he can still use me in my weakness... that he chooses to do so!

So don't strive to emulate my example... my family... my skills. Walk with me as we strive together to learn what it means to keep our homes for the Lord, to serve one another in love, and ultimately to be more like Him!

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 9:47 PM 0 Comments

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Making Memories




Have you ever met Joanne?

I haven't either.

And truth be told, I haven't been a reader of her blog in a long while. I read several years ago, but then, in the year of many re-formats, I lost her blog. And, really, I let the many I knew I was probably missing go for times sake.

Then yesterday I saw this button and I was curious. That's all. Nothing more holy than that... yet I think it was the Holy Spirit's prompting.

Click.

Click and find out.

So I did. And what I found stopped me short. I'd been there before. I read and read to learn what we were praying for, and what I found (which I could have found more quickly if I'd read the little blurb at the top) is that this sweet daughter of the King had a major stroke one week ago today.

You can scroll through the blog where her husband is keeping everyone updated. But if you do... I encourage you to also read the last post she did. You may not think much of it. Maybe I'm reading between the lines. She lit a fire... smoked the house... fire alarm went off. No biggy. But I went deeper than that. I saw the part where she was doing school by the fire. Spending time with her girls... and maybe, just maybe actually roasted marshmallows that afternoon.

The very next day she had a stroke and those memories with their mommy are the most fresh in their minds. Of course we don't know what else happened that day. Whether attitudes were wrong. Whether she yelled at one of her children. Whether she got caught up on the computer when her babies wanted her to read them a story. All we see is the positive. (Isn't that the way of blogs?)

It grabbed me though, and hasn't let me go. What would my children remember? What would be the last thing we did together? What memories would flood their minds?

How I disapproved of them? Snapped at the spilled orange juice? Got frustrated over a craft project? Was "too busy" to read with them or play on the floor?

Or will I take the time to rub noses with them? Tickle their feet? Cuddle with a pile of books? Bake cookies together... then clean it all up together?

We do not know how many days we have with our babies. We can't know whether God will choose to take us before our babies are grown. How will we spend our days? How much time will we give to them? What good things do we need to let go in favor of the best things?

These are the questions on my heart today. I challenge you to think on the same. And drop by Joanne's blog... and say a prayer for her and her family!

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 10:21 AM 2 Comments

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year... and the dawning of that year


"Look how pretty!" I squealed last night, between bites of homemade granola. I did my little happy dance from my cushion on the couch. I was so excited. It had been days since the couch had been cleared. Each day a new load of laundry was piled on top of some already folded. And last night it was pretty! All the clothes folded and put away.

Really I shouldn't be so excited about something so... so... so "should always be like that".

Or maybe I should be that excited... but daily. :) Yes, that's more like it.

That can be my "resolution" for 2011! Excellent. It's been years since I've had one of those.


Really, we're not usually big on "new year's resolutions". Some call them goals. That makes it a little better. But why wait for the new year to set a goal that is worth setting. Why not start right where you are? That, and the fact that I can't usually think of anything worth while (aside from the standard "lose baby-weight" that could top each years non existent list) are why I settle for letting each new year just happen.

This year something is different. Perhaps it's because I'm surrounded in this ol' blog community by others who are making special plans and goals for the new year, or perhaps I see the need of a fresh start, lots of change and a nice measurable space of time. Back this past summer I found and read a bunch of Ann's blog and really like how she assigns a word to each year. A name. I really like that. It has clung to me.

The problem is... what one word would I use? How do I pick a name. It's hard enough to name a child... and that's so preference based. We talk and we talk, we say them out loud and feel them out with other names. Eventually we just decide we like one and go with it (after several hours talking it through in the hospital... holding that new, precious, nameless life. And then he has a name. Too late to change it. After a few weeks it even feels right. And now, almost 5 months later, I can't imagine calling him something different.

But a year? What name do I choose? When the name has such meaning... when it comes down to my focus. My goals. My needs. Downfalls. Shortcomings.

Maybe I'll come up with one word to name this year. But my desires for change are too vast, and this past week of sickness (all of them and me fighting it with all I have) have left me with little time to spend reflecting on which to start with. Instead I stand, hands wrinkled with dish water, thinking of all the things I wish to see and become in the new year. I sit, folding diaper after diaper, pants, skirt, burp cloth... thinking.

And what have I come up with? I still don't really know exactly... but in the name (no pun intended) of getting something down, here are 11 words for 2011... 11 words I hope my year will be painted in, smothered with, and remembered by.

Eleven words (in no particular order):

1. Clean

2. Relationship

3. Character

4. Home

5. Routine

6. Simple

7. Orderly

8. Word

9. Love

10. Breakfast

11. Longsuffering


There are probably so many more words I could include (grace being one of them!), but we'll stick with eleven to fit with our year.

Happy New Year to all of you... thank you for joining me in 2010. I'm looking forward to seeing you around this year!

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 10:05 AM 0 Comments

Monday, October 4, 2010

The Modern Era

Tornado's little 1 month old feet


Most of us don't give it much thought. Most of us don't have need to. But should we?

Medical science. Modern technology. The industrial age.

In some cases, we're sorry for the "advances" that have come along with all that. Much of it has taken the simplicity out of life. Made sin more accessible... more prominent... acceptable.

Our world has changed more in the last hundred plus years than in the thousand (maybe thousands) before that. Overall, I'd say that we are glad for this... any negative that may come from it stems more from our sin nature and the depravity of man than from the "new" itself.

We are glad for it. But are we grateful? Truly grateful?

I know I don't usually give it much thought. I flip a switch, lights go on. I lift the lever, water comes out of the facet... clean water at that. I am so grateful!

It takes my husband only 4-5 minutes to get to work in the morning... in a car. Imagine how much more time it would take on foot (since we don't have a place for horses where we live.) Tonight, Lord willing, we will use that same car to bring home the food we've gathered... from a grocery store. (If we were dependent on our garden this year, we would starve... it was a giant flop!) I am so grateful!

There are so many other things we could pause to reflect on. To be grateful for. To say a quiet "Thank you Lord." I challenge you to think through a few of the ones that affect you the most and pause in gratefulness.

This past month, though, I've paused to reflect on another one. Medical science. Modern medicine. Sometimes I think they try to do too much. That perhaps we're better off fighting some of these bugs ourselves. That we over medicate. That it sometimes does more harm than good. It's possible.

But then I slow to reflect. Look beyond the surface layer. Then I wonder.

What would our lives be like without modern medicine?

There are so many precious lives in our church whose fight against cancer would have been over long ago... assuming we even knew what happened to them. Friends involved in car accidents would have no chance for healing... for the life they lived before. Infection would run unchecked in our bodies and on our limbs.

I am grateful for medicine.

These are all things I've never really paused to think about. But they are all things I should hold close, praise our Lord for and be ever grateful because of. Let me share a few personal ones.

Without medicine, Tornado may not have lived through is first year... failure to thrive. Wasn't gaining weight. Spitting up most, of not all his feedings. I am grateful!

Without medicine, Tornado may not have survived his first asthma attack. Or his second. Or his third.... You get the idea. I am grateful!

Without medicine, we might not know all the things he's allergic to. Might not know to avoid them. Might not know what causes the rashes, the hives. Might not know that eating peanuts or shellfish (we discovered this allergy a couple weeks ago after having shrimp for dinner) one more time could bring death... without the medicines. I am grateful!

Sure, we could spend our time thinking through what actually causes all these allergies and illnesses. We could talk about where we would be where we are today if these pollutants or those chemicals weren't around. And we sometimes do as we work to avoid them. But for today...

Today, I choose to be grateful. Grateful for the advances our Creator has helped us to make as a people. Grateful for the wisdom and ingenuity He has given so many over the decades to bring us to what we know and have today.

I choose gratitude!

What can you choose to be grateful for today? How would your life be different without "progress"?

holy experience



6. inhalers that quiet wheezing

7. scales that chart growth

8. tests that show allergies

9. Epi-pens for just in case

10. doctors who know more than we do

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 1:13 PM 1 Comments

Friday, September 17, 2010

No going back


Regret is an amazing thing. It comes so unexpectedly. Unwelcome. Experiencing it the other evening, I've paused to think. To reflect.

Once regret has come, there is really no way to make it go away. It's too late. This is something we are trying to help Tornado understand too. It's the consequence to an action... rather the feeling attached to that consequence. We may move on. Forget. But there is no going back.

I wasted my evening. I spoke harshly to the children. I didn't submit.

No going back.

There is, however, going forward. Repentance. Forgiveness. Learning. Change. Grace.

So much grace.

Regret can be used by the enemy. Sometimes it attaches itself to false guilt... sometimes it stands alone. In my life, however, regret is more often a tool used by my loving God. A wasted evening. Instead of being down and depressed about failing again, I can respond to the Holy Spirit's conviction. Repent. Seek forgiveness. Make changes for the future.

No. I can never recapture the time lost, the harsh word spoken, the sin allowed, but I can let it be worked together for good in my Father's willing hands!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28

In "all things"... When I am weak Lord, then I am strong!

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ~2 Corinthians 12:9-10

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 11:44 AM 0 Comments

Friday, July 16, 2010

Some Recent Thoughts

Tornado is into bugs these days... which is way better than being terrified of them!


In recent days a few things have occurred to me... so I thought I would share some of my random, yet somewhat related, thoughts from this past week.
  • I'm about to have a baby... really, it's true. So far I've just been pregnant, but every once and a while it occurs to me that, sooner than later, I will have a newborn to care for.
  • I'm about to have three children.
  • I'm not sure how I feel about that.
  • It sounds hard.
  • I'm not patient enough with the two I already have.
  • When the new baby is the age Sweet Pea is now, I'll have a 6 1/2 year old!
  • Maybe I can do this after all.
  • I'm about to have even less time than I think I have now.

Anyone else have these sorts of realizations with 2 1/2 weeks to go???

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 1:38 PM 2 Comments

Monday, May 10, 2010

A kitchen floor pondering

I found myself on the kitchen floor Friday evening. I'm not even sure how I got there, but there I was... sitting... on the floor mat... by the sink. I don't remember what took me down there in the first place, but I was still there because I just didn't have the energy to get back up again. My Beloved was sitting at the computer not far away and the kids were playing. And there I was... sitting... on the floor... thinking.

It was time for dinner, but I had no plans... no idea... no energy. I thought back to my mom. Appropriate, I thought, being the beginning of Mother's Day weekend. Maybe she found herself sitting on the kitchen floor the same as I did years ago, but really I have no memory of anything of the sort. What I do remember is that we ate dinner every night... and there's no other way that would have happened unless she fixed it and fed it to us. Then I started thinking further... to the dishes. She always did them. The cleaning... she did it. The laundry... she did it.

I was challenged by these memories... challenged to buck up and do it, the way she did. It didn't give me energy, but it made me want to do a better job being a wife and homemaker and mother.

But these thoughts did something else... they grew in me a renewed appreciation for my mom. She worked hard taking care of us when we were growing up... and most of the time she had another job to do too... either in or outside the home. Funny how you can't truly appreciate who your mom is and what she did all those years until you're sitting on the kitchen floor without the energy, or even desire, to get back up and do what needs to be done... like she did.

Thanks for getting up off the floor every day mom!

(Important note: If you are my mom, don't post a comment similar to any of the following... I won't publish it. I don't want you to say I'm doing a good job, or that you weren't as great as I remember, or that I'm in a season! I'm not feeling badly about myself or despairing. I'm just appreciating all you did for all those years! Thanks!)

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 12:08 PM 1 Comments

Friday, April 9, 2010

Dying to Self

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds....
Ephesians 4:22-23

When I first revisited the idea of "dying to self" this past fall, I started wondering what the Biblical backing of this very "Christianese" saying was. I just couldn't remember which verse it was from. Turns out that it isn't a verse after all. So where did we get it. I knew it wasn't original to myself... I'd heard it somewhere and I'd heard teachings of the concept.

A number of years before marrying My Beloved I was part of a Bible Study that studied, among other things, the book of Colossians. In fact, we spent a lot of time studying Colossians, and the thing I remember parking on and have carried with me ever since is the whole idea of "putting off" and "putting on". It's this idea of putting away the old self. It's not enough to just change the way we do things as believers, or to start doing good. A number of places in the Bible talks about this whole idea (Romans 8:13, Ephesians 4:22, Colossians 3:5 [and others throughout Colossians] to name a few... I'm sure there are more) of putting off the old self, putting to death the deeds of the body and all in all "dying to self".

But what does this mean in daily life? Sure it means I shouldn't lie or steal or hate... but it occurred to me this past fall that it means something more than that. It creeps in to every facet of our daily lives... not just the moments we are "struggling with sin".

So what does it mean to me??? It means picking up and doing what needs to be done... even though I don't feel like doing it. Even though I didn't get enough sleep last night. Even though kids are sick. Even though I am sick. It means that no matter what, I need to Do It Enyway!

Did you catch that??? Do. It. Enyway. For me to "mortify the flesh" on a daily, moment by moment basis, I need to "put to death the deeds of the body"... for me, this is my very flesh. My desires, my laziness, "me time". When something comes up or needs to be done or a baby cries or needs to be disciplined or trained again, I need to just Do It Enyway... despite whatever I may be feeling.

When I want to sit at the computer, read a book, stare out at the street, talk to a friend on the phone... I need to die to my fleshly desires for self. These desires aren't sinful in themselves, but anything that takes me away from the purpose the Lord has given me in this life needs to be put off, so that I can put on the new and Do It Enyway!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go fold the laundry and do something about dinner! And it's not because I want to... it's my next step in DIE-ing to self!

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 3:53 AM 0 Comments

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Long Silence

It has been several weeks since my last post. It is hard to believe. I keep peeking back at my blog, sure that I've posted something since that car review. Alas, it's still at the top. How can that be? I really can't tell you. I will say that, though there has been silence on this blog, there has been anything but silence in the real world. I mentioned that we'd been busy back at the end of October... I did work like crazy to get all caught up before we left for Virginia. And I was just about there too. Just a few straggling things undone.

Our time in Virginia was great! Everyone loved us (which helps with the fun) and we were able to take beautiful pictures of everything! I'm hoping to share some of them with you... as well as some of what we learned of the Hindu culture and religion. I had no idea!

In addition to the noise of business and family, is the noise in my head. I am much in need of quieting my heart before our Lord. It is amazing, isn't it, how our lives, moment by moment, are affected when we fail to be still before our Creator! I find that I continue to raise my children "in the admonition of the Lord", but without an example to follow. All I can hope to do in that is teach my young ones hypocrisy.

So why am I here blogging then? When I should be taking a quiet moment of naptime before the Throne??? Basically it's because I cannot count on myself to do it on my own. I have so much to do... so much that is going undone already, and I've fallen into the downward spiral. I've listened to and bought the lie that I just don't have time... and I needed your accountability.

So there you have it... I will now close my browser, turn off my monitor and take a few minutes quietly before the Lord! Is anyone with me on this? Do you need a chance to stand against the lie that you don't have time? Join me... let's take a few moments alone with our Lord!

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 1:45 PM 1 Comments

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Grace

It happens this way all the time... in a tough spot, God's grace always abounds.

This cold that moved over my family could have caused much more trouble. First of all, I could have gotten it, and with God's grace (and regular drinking of Airborne) I have not yet gotten it. Secondly, Tornado's asthma could have continued to have a hold on him all week long, with 2-4 nebulizer treatments (or more) each day, but we haven't needed it since Tuesday morning. The steroids seem to have helped the inflammation of his lungs go down (seriously... inflammation of the lungs does not sound good.) Third, my house could lay in ruin and I could be even further behind in business than I was at the beginning of the week, but neither are true... and this is exactly what I want to share in this post.

Anytime before, say, a week or so ago, I would have let my lack of sleep (have I mentioned that Tornado has been waking 2-4 times each night?--I feel like we're back where we started 2 and a half years ago) and/or general difficulty of taking care of sick kids slow me down, or stop me completely. Now, I'm not saying I have arrived... I definitely wasted some of my time this last week in the name of one or both of those things (not to mention additional excuses), but I also did more than I feel like I've done in a while... and with sick kids.

I have been easily overwhelmed for a long while now. Frustrated with kids that were seemingly out of control, and I couldn't seem to figure out how to change that. Tired of a house that is perpetually cluttered and therefore hard to clean. Undisciplined in my time management. In short... living for myself to be honest. Living a self-centered existence... and wouldn't you know it, hating most every minute of it.

But again, God is gracious. Where sin abounds, His grace much more abounds. (Romans 5:20)

God has used this week to challenge this discouraged daughter of His. And in the face of fussy, sick children, I've seen change... in myself and, slowly but surely, my home as well.

I've also seen changes in my children as I set aside self-centeredness and proactively worked to train them in the way they should go. (Proverbs 22:6) I have seen transformation... before my eyes.

My ambitions and goals, hopes and desires have been in the right place for a long time... but I never realized that my actions were falling pitifully behind.

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 10:10 AM 2 Comments

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Let's build each other up today!!!

I need encouragement today... and what better way to encourage ourselves and others than to proclaim the Glory of God! Can you join me? Can we make this a post full of his blessings, promises and glory! Please leave a comment with a Scripture that has blessed you of late! Share with us how God is glorious! Please, I need to be built up today.

I'll start!
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7

No matter the situation: the stability of the economy or a husband's job, the salvation of a child, or the poor choices of a loved one, The Lord is at hand! He is right here with me. I have no need to be anxious about any of it... not how I should handle a situation or what I should do about it... none of it. Instead, The Lord is at hand, right here with me, and I am to bring EVERYTHING to him "by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving". Then "the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I am so thankful for the peace He offers!

______________
Now please... won't you join me? And spread the word! Let's encourage one another in the comments today!!

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 10:33 AM 3 Comments

Friday, June 26, 2009

Femininity and Reverence

I stumbled over to The Stay at Home Missionary's blog today and was enjoying her topic on femininity.

In one of her posts she had this video and I was challenged by the things Voddie Baucham said:



I took a few notes to remember...

  • Meekness in a woman means she is not boisterous, does not draw attention to herself
  • I am to conduct myself in such a way that my goal is to bring honor to God and not attention to myself
  • Loud and obnoxious is not reverent
  • In our society, we are no longer raising women, but men who are biologically capable of bearing children
All are great thoughts to chew on!

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 10:43 AM 0 Comments

Thursday, June 4, 2009

What I've always wanted to be...

I've always wanted to be a cook... to create fine meals and menus and to present them beautifully. To work short order or to plan several courses. To feed the same people day in and day out, working to make them healthful. ...So why do I dread starting each new meal?

I've always wanted to be a waitress... to serve, to prep the table, to "be right back" with whatever someone needs or wants... so why are my feet so heavy now?

I've always wanted to be a bus boy... to clear dish upon dish upon dish from the table. To wipe down and even scrub the remains of food and drink from the surface. To sweep (and even scrub) the floor underneath each chair once each meal is over. ...so why do I let it sit so long before finally doing it?

I've always wanted to be the "dish washer"... to have my hands in water so much during the day that it is impractical to get a manicure (even if I could have one). To rewash the same plates, bowls and cups, pots and pans, spoons, forks, knives, etc., etc. over and over and over and over... just to see them dirtied and in need of washing over again. ...so why do I avoid it as long as possible?

I've always wanted to be a cleaning lady... to spend hour upon hour upon hour sweeping, wiping, clearing, dusting. To do the same monotonous work day in and day out, just to see it dirtied again. ...so why don't I do it with joy now? (correction: why don't I do it at all now?)

Then there are the other jobs I've longed to do...

laundry
ironing
nurse sick and injured
cheering
playing
building
organizing
singing
talking
growing

The list can and does go on forever!

Ok, so I suppose I never realized that these are the things I've always wanted to be... but when I longed to be a wife and mother, this was part of it! When I was dreaming of the day I would have children, I was dreaming of wiping noses, scrubbing floors, potty training, pushing a train around a track, dusting, meal planning, doing dishes. Like I said, the list goes on.

So why are my minutes not spilling over with words and thoughts of praise to my God for blessing me with the desires of my heart??

Lord, open my eyes, with each new minute, to all I have to rejoice in! Thank you for all you give me! Help me to be thankful for all that being a wife and mother entails!

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 8:58 AM 4 Comments

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Change of plans

I wasn't up during the 6 o'clock hour this morning. Really it was closer to the normal 7:30. But I'm ok with that. You see, after an already late bedtime, I had the opportunity to be awake and out of bed for 20 or so minutes right around 1:30 this morning.

Opportunity? you ask. Yep, but I didn't think of it as an opportunity at first. I was woken up by the brightest lightening and loudest thunder I've ever heard... and it just wouldn't stop. It was one after the other after the other after the other. I believe I now have a small taste of what it must have been like to live through the Civil War or to try to sleep through air strikes in WW2. But I was so tired that I tried to ignore the noise and light intruding upon my bedroom. I pretended that it wasn't bothering me and prayed it wouldn't wake Sweet Pea, who is afraid of thunder.

Before I knew it I'd been awake long enough to need to use the bathroom. While I was up, the loudest crack of thunder smacked the sky, sounding like a very loud gun going off just outside our home. That one woke Sweet Pea. She was crying wildly. I made my way through the darkness to find her in her crib and took her with me to the living room where we could ride out the storm together.

I've never been held so tightly by one so small. Her arms gripped my shoulders more tightly than she had midnight strength for, I'm sure of it, but with each new crack of thunder or each new flash of lightening, she clung to me tighter still. It wasn't too long before her crying quieted with the distancing of the storm. She lay quietly against me now, tightening her grip with each distant thunder, but remaining quiet.

When the thunder was distant enough and one arm had slid down from my shoulder, I walked her back to her bed and lowered her in. I will remain ever thankful for that time in quiet noisy darkness with her little arms clinging to me, head on my shoulder. And I don't feel a bit bad for changing the alarm clock when I returned to my bed.

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posted by ~Babychaser~ @ 9:44 AM 2 Comments